Sheldon: Welcome to my Fortress of Shame.
Amy: I'm sorry. What, what am I looking at?
Sheldon: It's basically everything I've ever owned. Um, every book, every tee shirt, every piece of broken electronics. Just all of it.
Amy: All of it?
Sheldon: I have a Ziploc bag filled with all my old Ziploc bags.
Amy: Okay. Well, I would like to tell you that there is nothing here to be ashamed of. So I'm gonna need a minute.

Amy: Sheldon, just tell me.
Sheldon: It might be easier to show you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: We'd have to take your car.
Amy: All right.
Sheldon: And I'm gonna need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Amy: Well, I signed one before we slept together. Why not now?

Sheldon: I suppose I should set this up. Or would you like to rob me of that, too?
Amy: Knock it off or I'll start making W-H sounds for words that just have a W.
Sheldon: You wouldn't.
Amy: Whatch me.

Amy: I got here as quickly as I could.
Sheldon: You're too late.
*Sheldon plays "Taps" and drapes a cloth over his laptop."
Amy: Sheldon, this is silly.
Sheldon: You got emotional when that lab monkey died.
Amy: That lab monkey told me he loved me in sign language.

Amy: Sheldon, why don't you get a new computer? You know that one's out-of-date.
Sheldon: Oh, but I like this computer.
Amy: The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't get that.
Amy: The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, one more time. The sound is cutting out. (Amy holds up a sign) I can't read that. The video is failing.
Amy: Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What?
Amy: Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What? (Answering phone) Hello?
Amy: Get a new computer!

Sheldon: The revisions I made start on page four.
Penny: Wow. That is a lot of "whereupons".
Amy: You should see the Valentine's Day card he gave me.

Raj: You know, I have too much self-esteem to let this girl guilt me into getting back together with her.
Amy: You don't need to be pregnant to smell that load of crap.

Sheldon: Is there a reason I had to leave my own apartment?
Amy: Well, I think they just want you to see it for the first time all decorated.
Sheldon: But who's gonna tell them they're doing it wrong?
Amy: Well, I'm sure they'll ask you to give a speech, and that's when you just tear 'em a new one.

Amy: You realize none of those things would happen now?
Sheldon: I do, but why do you care if I celebrate my birthday at all?
Amy: Well, you made my last birthday so memorable, I wanted to return the favor.

Amy: How could you do that?
Bernadette: I'm sorry, but you know what it's like when you're with your man and one thing leads to another.
Amy: I do know what that's like. I really do.

Amy: Are you hungry? How about that sushi place you love?
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't have sushi.
Penny: Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
Amy: Maybe you should get a new doctor. What, he said you can't laugh either?

Penny: Oh, it's Leonard. He says Sheldon's drunk and they're gonna do karaoke if we want to join them.
Penny: That sounds fun.
Amy: Oh, no. Sheldon's drunk texting me.
Bernadette: What's it say?
Amy: "Would you like to sing karaoke with us."
Bernadette: How is that a drunk text?
Amy: He used a period instead of a question mark. He's so wasted.

Amy: So, when did you guys decide to get pregnant?
Bernadette: Well, we didn't exactly decide. We were talking about it, and then one night we got a little reckless.
Penny: Oh, tell us!
Amy: Yeah, tell us.
Bernadette: No, I'm embarrassed.
Penny: Oh, come on, we're all grown-ups. We've all done it.
Amy: Me, me, me too! I'm a grown-up and I've done it!

Amy: Okay, and we are live in 22 minutes.
Sheldon: I'm nervous. I hope people will be around to watch even though it's Valentine's Day.
Amy: People who are fans of an Internet show about flags? Trust me, they're around.

Sheldon: Oh, and speaking of Valentine's Day, I haven't forgotten about you tonight.
Amy: What do you mean?
Sheldon: Well, you've become such an integral part of my life as well as this show, I felt it only right to include your name in the title.
Amy: Oh, that is so sweet.
Sheldon: So from now on, this program will be officially known as Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun With Flags.
Amy: Catchy.