Bernadette: My mother wouldn't let me ride a bicycle because she was afraid I might hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Leonard: Thanks again for having us.
Howard: Of course. What do you guys want to talk about?
Penny: Well, now that we're engaged, we have some questions about how you handle money as a couple.
Bernadette: Told you they weren't going to ask us to swing with them.

Bernadette: Please don't go. Up until my vicious attack, you were the one in the wrong.

Howard: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Bernadette: (Laughing) I can't!

Bernadette: Do you think Sheldon's actually going to go through with it?
Penny: I don't know. He said he's ready.
Bernadette: Yeah, but he also swore this was the year he'd be able to pull the guts out of a pumpkin.

Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Bernadette: I brought you a little care package from work. It's our latest antiviral and the best decongestant we make.
Sheldon: I hope laughter is the best medicine, 'cause this care package is a joke.
Howard: Hey, she came all the way here- (Sheldon sneezes on Howard)
Bernadette: (Handing Howard the care package) You're gonna want to take these with food.

Howard: What is happening? Are we missing him?
Bernadette: No, that's not what this feeling is. Is it?
Howard: Of course not. He drove us crazy. Like when you were gonna make that pie and Stuart ate all the blueberries.
Bernadette: And he tried to deny it, but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah. Eww, we are missing him!

Bernadette: The only issue is that everybody has their own thing. And as long as it's two consenting adults, I guess I don't see the harm in it.
Raj: Well, what if it's one consenting adult and one adult who pretends to consent because he's afraid of being alone?
Bernadette: Well, then I guess bring a blanket. The grass gets damp at night.

Bernadette: I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here playing with all your new toys.
Amy: Actually, I haven't told him about it. We've been getting so much more funding than physics, he's been a little sensitive.
Bernadette: So you're just gonna hide your success from him?
Amy: I know. Am I terrible?
Bernadette: No. I do that, too! Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise? It was in Tahiti.

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.

Amy: We just need a weekend date that's completely boring and uneventful.
Bernadette: Too bad you didn't get your ducks in a row, 'cause tonight would have been perfect.

Howard: I'm serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody. Practice. That way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary.
Bernadette: Or just keep dating the possum.

Howard: So me and the guys were talking about this great investment opportunity.
Bernadette: Nope.
Howard: But you didn't hear what it was.
Bernadette: I know.

Stuart: (Storming into Howard and Bernadette's room with a baseball bat) Not on my watch!
Bernadette: It's fine. It's just Raj. You can hit him with the bat, but it's fine.