Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 53

Searching Search quotes

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: We should call Guinness, that might be a record.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Leonard: He just made her laugh, something's wrong.
Raj: Do you see the way she's looking at him?
Howard: Yeah. Like Bernadette used to look at me.
Raj: I keep telling you, close the bathroom door.
Leonard: Ah, did you see that? She just touched his hand and he didn't swat it away. What is happening?
Howard: Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.
Raj: Which is?
Howard: That ain't Sheldon.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Leonard: Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?
Howard: Oh, yeah. Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: If you'd like, we can help you out.
Leonard: Oh, that would be great.
Howard: I mean, not me, I've got a wife and child, but this one posts video of himself flossing on Instagram.
Raj: It was a tutorial. And yes, I'm happy to keep Sheldon company.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Raj: What just happened?
Howard: A stranger just lured Sheldon away with a candy bar.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Howard: I mean, an entire year wasted.
Bernadette: You might be forgetting another accomplishment of the past year.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, yeah, we brought life into the world.
Bernadette: Really? That's the importance you put on us having a baby?
Howard: I'm happy about it, but, I mean, it's not like I did much. I mean, after the first three minutes it was pretty much all you.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Leonard: Now, before we field test, I think we --
Howard: What the hell?
Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: Who else has access to this room?
Leonard: It's a secure lab in a classified facility; only the U.S. government and us.
Sheldon: This is very disconcerting.
Howard: But the movie did just get good.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Bernadette: Want me to put on some Neil Diamond? That always makes you feel better.
Howard: No. You'll get all sexed up, and I'm not in the mood.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Bernadette: So what happens next?
Howard: Phase two: we test it, perfect it, and hope to live long enough to see the movie based on our lives starring more attractive versions of us.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Leonard: So you think it's fine if she works for Zack?
Howard: I don't know. Maybe.
Raj: Well, he is much more attractive than Leonard.
Howard: Yes, but that's gonna be true of a lot of guys she works for.
Leonard: Yeah, but she also used to sleep with Zack.
Howard: Again...

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Howard: So the key is, the moment one ball is at the top of its arc, you toss the next one.
Sheldon: Okay, I think I got that.
Howard: Uh, h-hold on. There's an old saying in juggling.
Bernadette: Is it "I'm going to die alone"?
Howard: No, it's "if you want to have fun, start with one." Yours we think, but we do not say.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Howard: Now, this is rare. I don't know which one of you I want to stop talking first.
Sheldon: The theory is that if you really tax your brain, the neurofibers will become thicker and the glial cells more lustrous.
Raj: Like JLo's hair.
Howard: Boy, it is neck and neck right now.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Howard: Okay, challenge them again.
Leonard: Doing it right now. Oh, they can't. There's an important Little League game tomorrow.
Howard: No wonder they beat us, they're jocks.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Leonard: We're pinned down!
Howard: We can't get through!
Raj: Sheldon, get over here and help!
Sheldon: Okay, one second.
Leonard: Sheldon, why are you jumping up and down?
Sheldon: I'm trying to shoot.
Howard: Then use the shoot button, not the "wonderful thing about Tiggers" button!

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?
Howard: Hey, the circus arts are very physically and mentally demanding. Have you ever tried to juggle?
Bernadette: Yes, I'm juggling my love for you and my embarrassment of you right now.
Howard: And it's hard, isn't it?

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 788Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Submit Quotes