Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 56

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Quote from the episode The Proton Regeneration

Howard: They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette: I thought he passed away.
Howard: He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.

Quote from the episode The Collaboration Contamination

Raj: I used to have the stuffed raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy, but Cinnamon licked it raw.
Howard: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and it's never and nowhere.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Now you're gonna want to slowly switch lanes.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Because there are only two, and you're not in either of them.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon: What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard: Oh, my God, you're right.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not.
Howard: So, either you're welcome, or hey!

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Bernadette: Howie, there's a lot of amazing things you can teach a son.
Raj: Yeah. You do always know how to pick just the right antacid.
Howard: I don't know if I can teach that. It's just something I was born with.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Hey, I barely know how to be a man myself. Now I have to teach someone?
Sheldon: Well, as the saying goes, those who can't, teach.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Stuart: Howard, Bernadette was there last night. Did she say anything when she got home?
Howard: Yeah, she said, "Why'd you tell those idiots where I was? Thanks a lot."

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Howard: Give me the bottle. I mean, it might be a little corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies who came before us.

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Raj: So, what do you want us to do?
Penny: I don't know. You're scientists; cheer them up.
Howard: "Cheer them up"? Do you even know what a scientist is?

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Raj: Okay, calm down. Everybody just cool it.
Howard: No, let 'em go. If we get lucky, maybe one of them will start crying.

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Howard: There's Leonard. I'll bet he's having a rough day.
Raj: Let's just try to be supportive.
Sheldon: Supportive? He publicly maligned the love of my life, Lady Physics.
Howard: You might not want to mention that to Lady Fiance.

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Bernadette: Should he be saying that?
Raj: Uh, probably not.
Howard: Yeah, this is public radio. Doesn't he realize that dozens of people might hear him?

Quote from the episode The Retraction Reaction

Howard: Okay, let's talk about something that won't infuriate my pregnant wife.
Raj: I read an interesting fact about elephants.
Howard: Try again.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Bernadette: But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense that we didn't ask for it, and we may not have chosen it-
Howard: And we already have one.

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