Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 56

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Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Howard: I don't know, you guys work in the same lab.
Leonard: So?
Howard: There are pitfalls. Trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm ... a bit of a self-taught expert.
Leonard: Look, Howard, if I were to ask Lesley Winkle out it would just be for dinner. I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Howard: Oh, then you're probably okay.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Howard: Sounds like your neighbor's home.
Leonard: Excuse me.
Sheldon: Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.
Leonard: Oh, right. Right, right, right, right.
Howard: Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: Penny for your thoughts.
Raj: What's the matter.
Leonard: No, I'm fine. Penny's fine, the guy she's kissing is really fine and...
Howard: Kissing, what kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French?
Leonard: What is wrong with you?
Howard: I'm a romantic.

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Howard: (After leaving Raj and Stuart) At least my mother made her boyfriend climb out the window.

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Raj: Oh, my God, you're back. Oh, look at you. You, you look like you grew.
Howard: Yeah. The lack of gravity did decompress my spine, so I'm like an inch and a half taller. I'm going to the DMV tomorrow to get my license changed before I shrink back.

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Raj: Oh, uh, come in, come in. Oh, I, uh, I didn't think I was going to get to see you until tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernadette's a little under the weather and my mom's kind of under my dentist.
Raj: Wait, your, your mother is sleeping with your dentist?
Howard: Former dentist. I need a new one now that I know where his hands have been.

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Raj: So you're wandering all around by yourself? That's not the kind of hero's welcome an astronaut should come home to.
Howard: It's okay. You know, we space cowboys don't do what we do for glory and fame. We leave that to your rock stars and your athletes and your Howie Mandels.

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Howard: Hey, Ma, twinkle, twinkle, your little star is home. (Fails to open the door) Ma, the chain's on the door.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard? I thought I wasn't going to see you till tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernie's not feeling well. So I thought I'd stop by, tell you about the greatest adventure of my life, see if you can make me feel bad about it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Uh, uh, okay. Hold on, I'm not decent.
Howard: All right. (Speaking to himself) Woman hasn't tied her robe in 20 years. Suddenly she's not decent?

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Howard: (singing) Baruch atah, Adonai, Eloheinu. Melech haolam, hamotzi. Lechem min haaretz
Mike: What's that?
Howard: The Jewish prayer for eating bread. We don't have one for falling out of space!

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Now you're gonna want to slowly switch lanes.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Because there are only two, and you're not in either of them.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon: What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard: Oh, my God, you're right.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not.
Howard: So, either you're welcome, or hey!

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Bernadette: Howie, there's a lot of amazing things you can teach a son.
Raj: Yeah. You do always know how to pick just the right antacid.
Howard: I don't know if I can teach that. It's just something I was born with.

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Howard: Oh boy, I was afraid of this.
Leonard: What?
Howard: These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This right here is why Sweden has no space program.

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Howard: Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
Penny: No, I haven't.
Howard: Get used to it.
Penny: Yeah, I probably won't.

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