Howard: It could've been anybody. Marta, Gina, Annalise-
Raj: It's a little creepy that you remember all their names.
Howard: Not just their names. The cars they drove, the color of their eyes, and whether or not they had boyfriends.

Raj: Oh, well, who was it?
Howard: It doesn't even matter. I'm happily married. The point is women - plural - find me appealing.

Howard: Oh, she still works there? Who was it?
Bernadette: Why does it matter?
Howard: You're right, it doesn't matter 'cause I got the best one. Was it Susan?
Bernadette: Why? Because she's tall?
Howard: Good night.

Raj: Now I'm some sort of big joke. I'm even on some alien conspiracy blog. See? "Caltech astrophysicist finds proof of alien life''
Howard: Wow, that is not a great picture of you.

Raj: Well, that's the lecture for today. Uh, let's open it up for questions. Uh- Oh, you! Sir, yes. You have a question?
Howard: Yeah. Actually, I have a two-part question.
Raj: Are you sure? I get the sense it's only one part.
Howard: No, no, it's two. Part one: the new star you were talking about. How long did it take that light to reach Earth? And part two: is it true you plant your friends in the audience to ask questions?
Raj: 46,000 years. And no, I don't plant my friends, because apparently, I don't have any.

Leonard: Actually, 3-D kind of makes me queasy.
Sheldon: No, but we have to see it in 3-D. We saw part one in 3-D, and the 2-D part two is not the part two of the 3-D part one.
Howard: He's got you there, Leonard. Or he doesn't. I don't really care anymore.

Howard: On a positive note, the scooter helped Bert meet a girl.
Bernadette: Oh, that's nice. What does she do?
Howard: She's an E.R. nurse.
Bernadette: Oh, no.
Howard: No. It was a real meet-cute. She popped his arm back in the socket, and when he came to, they exchanged phone numbers.

Howard: It wasn't a curfew; it was just a time of night where if I got home after that, she would be mad.

Howard: It's a scooter. It can go on some highways.

Howard: [engine starts] Check it out. [engine revving] That there, son, is 12 horses of "eye-talian" thunder.

Howard: Are your eyes closed?
Raj: Yes. What is it? Show me.
Howard: Okay, open them.
Raj: You bought me a scooter?! No, I bought me a scooter!
Raj: Then why did you make me close my eyes?
Howard: I wanted to see the expression on your face when you saw how happy I was.

Raj: Hey, I forget, why did you sell the scooter?
Howard: I finally got my woman. Then my woman made me sell it.

Raj: Well, does take me back.
Howard: Yeah, the two of us, cruising around town looking for women.
Raj: Looking and looking and looking. Remember that time one looked back and said hi?
Howard: Oh, yeah. We drove away so fast.

Raj: Hey, check it out. That looks like the moped you used to have.
Howard: It wasn't a moped. It was a scooter.
Raj: How's that better?
Howard: You do not want to walk into a scooter bar and ask that question.

Raj: Relax. You're probably just gonna get a slap on the wrist.
Howard: Maybe, but do not ask for that, on the wrist or anywhere else.