Howard: Would you like me to play some Polish music while you carry her to the toilet?
Bernadette: You are a putz.
Howard: As advertised.

Mrs. Wolowitz: (Off screen) I'm hungry again!
Howard: It's like the world's fattest cuckoo clock.

Bernadette: After two days of taking care of her, excuse me for stopping to get a mocha?
Howard: A mocha?! Well, it must be nice to be Queen.

Howard: Why're you being so quiet? You upset or are you just rebooting?

Howard: I think he's taking this Professor Proton thing pretty hard.
Raj: Should we try to console him?
Howard: Or should we respect his privacy in this moment of grief?
Raj: By staying here and watching the movie?
Howard: That's what good friends would do!

Raj: Maybe we should see how he's doing. ... But after the Cantina scene?
Howard: Obviously.

Raj: You know when Cinnamon won't take her medicine. I hide it in a piece of cheese.
Howard: Good idea. We can wrap up the pill in cheese, feed it to Cinnamon and then my mom can eat Cinnamon.

Raj: Hey, listen to this. Murder, cannibalism and satanic rituals are just a few of the thousand-plus horrors that await.
Howard: I just helped my mum out of the tub, so I'm one slippery horror ahead of you.

Raj: You're a good son. I don't know how you do it.
Howard: Beach blankets, my friend. It's all about beach blankets.

Raj: Okay, let's get this over with. Eww, it's got someone's hair on it.
Howard: Oh, yeah. You're gonna do great with this movie.

Raj: Okay. So in the last twenty minutes we've seen a crazy woman kissing a foetus in a jar. We've seen a guy cut in half and sown to a fish.
Howard: And the brutal dismemberment of a rotisserie chicken by my mother.

Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music.

Sheldon: Do you think he's right? Am I wasting my life on a theory that can't be proved?
Howard: Maybe. But how great is Game of Thrones?

Howard: I hope I can meet her as soon as possible.
Raj: Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere.
Howard: Oh, she is. But I like that attitude!

Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.