Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Howard: Hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you.

Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital?
Bernadette: The poor thing. She was in surgery for eighteen hours. She's alive but she's still in critical condition.
Raj: Oh no.
Bernadette: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So you know, silver linings!
Howard: Were you like this when I married you?

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Howard: Hey, she's my wife. If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex, it's me.

Howard: How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

In-flight Announcement: The Captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. You're now free to move about the cabin.
Howard: It's over.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Penny: You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Sheldon: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
Howard: How come we never get that option?

Raj: This (wand remote control) might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Howard: What's going on?
Bernadette: Maybe you should have a seat.
Howard: I know my mom's not dead, there'd be balloons.

Penny: You know, my aunt changed her diet and in a few months -
Howard: Went to space? I don't think so! Now pass the soy sauce. Not the green one, the red one.

Howard: Fun Fact: I'm going to jump off this train!