Howard: I can't believe I was so naive. The military is just gonna take over the whole project. And you know what happens if we object? We disappear. Like off the map. Like every American Idol winner since season four.

Bernadette: Come on, Howard, you're overreacting.
Howard: Am I? Am I? What do you want to bet some black ops guy is reprinting my high school yearbook and I'm no longer in it? That chess club picture is now just David Zimmerman and Elaine Cho.

Bernadette: Howie? You doing okay? You've been in there a while.
Howard: (In the bathroom) I'm fine. Be right out.
Am I an American hero? Well, that's a good question, Jim. Dont you think once an astronaut leaves the planet, he's a hero to all the nations of the Earth? (Toilet flush) Okey dokey. I think I have time for one more question.

Sheldon: Excuse me, excuse me, can I please see a show of hands? Who here takes issue with this person cutting the line?
Guy: Told you.
Sheldon: Well, what a sad state of affairs. That you've all been so ground down by life, you don't even notice when someone disrespects you.
Howard: I can't believe we're gonna get beat up, and it's not because of your chair.

Leonard: When's the screening?
Raj: Uh, it's tonight, but it's first-come, first-served, so we should probably get there early and wait in line.
Howard: Let's do it.
Leonard: Penny's busy with my mother, so Im in.
Sheldon: Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize were allowed to have fun without you?
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

Claire: So, I got to ask, does Raj bring around other girls?
Penny: Uh, you know, I'm not really around that much. Amy knows much more than I do.
Leonard: I don't think you have anything to worry about. Raj is a terrific guy, loyal to a fault.
Howard: Yeah. He still has an AOL address.

(at the urinals)
Leonard: Maybe we should take a step back.
Howard: Take a step back? I'm not a young man any more.

Howard: Okay, let me stop you right there. We absolutely know our invention will not be used to destroy the world.
Leonard: How?
Howard: Because no one from the future has come back to kill us.

Leonard: I have to admit, I've been worried about the military applications since we started talking about this.
Howard: Me, too.
Leonard: Why didn't you say something?
Howard: Same reason I don't talk about ass cancer. It's not a pleasant topic.

Zack: So how's the science world? What are you guys up to?
Howard: We've actually been working on a prototype for a navigation system we invented.
Leonard: But we won't bore you with the details.
Zack: Are you kidding? I love science. Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Mike deGrasse Tyson.
Amy: Mike deGrasse Tyson?
Howard: Yeah, you know, the boxer who grew a mustache and became a scientist.

Howard: Hey. Where is everybody?
Amy: Oh, we're the first ones here.
Howard: Oh, cool.
Amy: Yeah, cool.
Howard: You know, I don't remember the last time it was just you and me hanging out.
Amy: Oh, I do. It was three years ago.
Howard: Oh, yeah, and we said we should do it more often. And, and, and, and here we are.

Howard: Well, we're out. Bernie can't drink 'cause she's pregnant. And she's pregnant because we had sex. And we had sex because, well, (points to his body) come on.

Penny: Oh, hey, if you guys are free this weekend, I won a night of wine tasting from work.
Leonard: That sounds fun.
Leonard: How come scientists don't win free stuff like salespeople do?
Howard: 'Cause we're not in it for the stuff. (Puts his arm around Bernadette) We're in it for the groupies.

Bernadette: You all right?
Howard: I'm fine. Just a little embarrassed I had to be carried down the stairs like a baby. (To Penny) Thanks.

Leonard: Oh, well, then you'll enjoy this. Bernadette does the same thing with you and Koothrappali.
Howard: No, she doesn't.
Leonard: She defends him all the time.
Howard: She does not.
Amy: Who told you to stop making all those Gandhi jokes about him?
Howard: Well, she did. And human resources.
Leonard: Who do you think told Koothrappali to go to human resources?
Howard: Son of a bitch.