Sheldon: I don't care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics: regular and Klingon.
Howard: Actually, Indian Monopoly is just like regular. Except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centers. And when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.

Penny: Hey, guys. What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
Howard: Giselle's hanging by a thread.
Penny: Oh, good, I hate her.
Howard: Then you're not invited to our wedding.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma! I hear the phone!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly hour!
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say "Howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would've said "Huzzah".
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon, I just want to be part of the conversation.

Wolowitz: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.

Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup!
Howard: (Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Then call your own mother.

Leonard: Penny is not the reason I did not pursue that idea.
Sheldon: Oh really? Since meeting her, what have been your greatest accomplishments?
Raj: Easy. Sleeping with Penny.
Howard: Getting Penny to go back out with him after she dumped him.
Raj: Tricking Penny into getting engaged.
Howard: And a few weeks ago he almost did a pull-up!

Wolowitz: You got her to have sex with you. Obviously your super power is brainwashing.

Howard: Oh great it's my cousin David about the ring. Hey David what'd you find? Sure half a carat is fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.

Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!

Howard: Women, you can't live with them. You can't successfully refute their hypotheses.
Sheldon: Amen to that.

Wolowitz: *After he fixed Sheldon's algorithm* Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?

Amy: (About Sheldon) Why do I even try?
Bernadette: I'm going to fix this right now.
Howard: Okay, but just make it look like an accident.

Penny: It is the things you love that make you who you are.
Wolowitz: I guess that makes me large breasts.

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!