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Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.

4.7

Quote from the episode The White Asparagus Triangulation

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
Leonard: *opens door* What Sheldon! What Sheldon! What Sheldon!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here. (Holding his laptop.)
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Locomotive Manipulation

Leonard: I'm not sure it's a good idea to take Penny to where wine comes from.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Leonard: (To Sheldon) Sometimes your movements are so life like I forget you are not a real boy.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Leonard: Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy's one lab accident away from being a super villain.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Nerdvana Annihilation

Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?
Sheldon: Same paradox. If you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious.
Leonard: What if I knock you unconscious now?
Sheldon: It won't change the past.
Leonard: But it'd make the present so much nicer.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Precious Fragmentation

Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Middle-Earth Paradigm

Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

4.6

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
Althea: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Leonard: I'd make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems, if I wasn't shocked that Sheldon has girl problems.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Infestation Hypothesis

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've done that?
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets? The mysterious cloud that was following you around town? Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again?
Sheldon: I said name one, you need to work on your listening.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leonard: If Penny didn't know that Leslie had already turned me down then that would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought I should ask her, Leslie, out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out but because she did know that I had asked Leslie out and that she, Leslie, had turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering me consolation. "That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple" but while thinking "good, Leonard remains available."
Sheldon: You're a lucky man Leonard.
Leonard: How so?
Sheldon: You're talking to one of three men in the western hemisphere capable of following that train of thought.
Leonard: Well, what do you think?
Sheldon: I said I could follow it, I didn't say I cared

4.6

Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor

Howard: So you're saying, if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you, and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Leonard: You call that a glow stick? *Pulls out a Lightsaber* This is a glow stick!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum

Stephanie: *Looking in Sheldon's ear with an otoscope* I don't see anything at all Sheldon.
Sheldon: Ahh, Well you're the doctor but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No its more of a relentess narcassistic drone.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Irish Pub Formulation

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Leonard: We'll miss you Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, who wants to spend the whole weekend, running around a bunch of pretend planets, battling made up monsters? That's for babies.
Howard: Yeah, but it's got lightsabers.
Sheldon: Please, Amy! It's got lightsabers!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Sheldon: *On cinoyter screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.
Penny: Well?
Leonard: I reiterate, knuckle under.
Penny: No, no, no, no, no. It is on. I am gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don%u2019t want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Good Guy Fluctuation

(Leonard & Alice are kissing)
Leonard: Damn it, I can't. I can't do this.
Alice: Is it my tongue stud? 'Cause if that freaks you out, you're in for a real surprise later on.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

(To Mary, about Sheldon & Amy's relationship)
Leonard: It's kinda like the Loch Ness Monster. Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll never know but sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.

4.5

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Monopolar Expedition

Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Leonard: I missed you.
Penny: You see me all the time. You sure you don't just miss the sex?
Leonard: Well, yeah, the sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
Penny: I have. You're not wrong.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Stephanie: So, how was your day?
Leonard: Y'know, I'm a physicist - I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: I wrote some of it down.

4.5

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