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Quote from the episode The Proton Displacement

Professor Proton: Can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Professor Proton: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, you know because we're friends.
Professor Proton: Why?
Leonard: Wow, you ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is he's not doing it on purpose, it's just how he is. But he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Professor Proton: You know you're describing a dog?
Leonard: He did bite me once. But in his defense, I came up behind him while he was eating.
Professor Proton: They hate that.
Leonard: Sheldon is the smartest person I have met. He's a little broken and he needs me. And I guess I need him too.
Professor Proton: Why is that?
Leonard: Boy, you will not let this go, will you?

4.8

Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Sheldon: I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually, he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Toast Derivation

Sheldon:He'll be back.
Leonard: (Through the door) Of course, I'll be back, I live here!

4.7

Quote from the episode The White Asparagus Triangulation

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? (x3)
Leonard: What Sheldon! What Sheldon! What Sheldon!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Leonard: Sometimes your movements are so life like I forget you are not a real boy.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Leonard: If Penny didn't know that Leslie had already turned me down then that would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought I should ask her, Leslie, out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out but because she did know that I had asked Leslie out and that she, Leslie, had turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering me consolation. "That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple" but while thinking "good, Leonard remains available."
Sheldon: You're a lucky man Leonard.
Leonard: How so?
Sheldon: You're talking to one of three men in the western hemisphere capable of following that train of thought.
Leonard: Well, what do you think?
Sheldon: I said I could follow it, I didn't say I cared.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Leonard: We're here to cheer up Koothrappali, not kill Batman.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Champagne Reflection

Leonard: You know what, this bottle was meant to celebrate an achievement. Let's make a pact. When one of us gets their first big breakthrough, we'll celebrate by opening this bottle and toasting Professor Abbott.
Howard: I love that.
Raj: Me too.
Leonard: Then, of course, rubbing our success in Sheldon's face.
Howard: Well that's the best part.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Leonard: Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy's one lab accident away from being a super villain.

4.6

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

Raj: Guys, I just did a quick calculation. Judging by the size of the theater and this line we may not get in.
(Sheldon wakes up and jumps out of his chair.)
Sheldon: What did he say?
Leonard: Nice going, Raj. I just got him down for his nap.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment

Bernadette: Come here, tushie face.
Leonard: Tushie face! That is going on twitter right now.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Middle-Earth Paradigm

Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Leonard: You call that a glow stick? *Pulls out a Lightsaber* This is a glow stick!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor

Howard: So you're saying, if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum

Stephanie: I don't see anything at all Sheldon.
Sheldon: Ahh, Well you're the doctor but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No its more of a relentless narcissistic drone.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Romance Resonance

Leonard: People get things they don't deserve all the time. Like me with you.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Nerdvana Annihilation

Leonard: Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?
Sheldon: Same paradox. If you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious.
Leonard: What if I knock you unconscious now?
Sheldon: It won't change the past.
Leonard: But it'd make the present so much nicer.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Infestation Hypothesis

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've done that?
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets? The mysterious cloud that was following you around town? Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again?
Sheldon: I said name one, you need to work on your listening.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Precious Fragmentation

Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Irish Pub Formulation

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Maternal Capacitance

Leonard: She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.
Penny: Hey, I talked to her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.

4.6

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
Althea: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.

4.5

Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation

Leonard: Would someone please turn off the Sheldon commentary track?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.

4.5

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