Leonard: *Doing Mr. T impression while holding a action figure of Spock with Mr. T's head* I pity the fool who's illogical!
Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
Stephanie: *Looking in Sheldon's ear with an otoscope* I don't see anything at all Sheldon.
Sheldon: Ahh, Well you're the doctor but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No its more of a relentess narcassistic drone.
Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.
Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.
Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.
Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
Leonard: *opens door* What Sheldon! What Sheldon! What Sheldon!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here. (Holding his laptop.)
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
Leonard: If he [Penny's boyfriend, Kurt] were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
Sheldon: Oh,SNAP.
Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said %u201Curine cup%u201D?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.
*Leonard, Howard & Raj are avoiding hypochondriac Sheldon at the cinema & Penny calls Leonard.*
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard (to Penny): Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard (to Howard & Raj): He is paranoid and he has established a nest.
Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.
Leonard: (Discussing Sheldon). Yeah, yeah, ah, see here's the thing, after you leave, I still have to live with him.
Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?
Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!
Penny: Boy, you're really smart.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm a freaking genius.
Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, this can't be more humiliating!
Leonard: No, no, no, give him a minute.
Mary Cooper: (looking at Leonard and Penny, who happen to be sitting next to each other) You know, you two make a cute couple.
Leonard: No, no we're not, we're not a couple, we're single, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that are friends.
Mary Cooper: (aside, to Howard) Did I pluck a nerve there?
Howard: Oh yeah.
Leonard: Thanks for close captioning my pain, Raj.
Leonard: How about that, Einstein was wrong.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching them [Howard and his date] does.
Leonard: We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman!
Penny: Why can't all guys be like you?
Leonard: Because if all guys were like me the human race couldn't survive.
Leonard: That's right! Cuz' that's how we roll in the Shire!
Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is [Penny's messed up apartment]!
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.
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