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Quote from the episode The Panty Pinata Polarization

Penny: Look, I said I wanted to hurt him, but this?
Leonard: It will shorten the was by five years and save millions of lives.

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Leonard: Hmm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it.

Quote from the episode The Killer Robot Instability

Leonard: Okay, don't take this as a criticism but you do have that over exposed to gamma radiation thing going on.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Usually your the easy going Bruce Banner but when you get angry you turn into (makes growling noise).
Penny: I turn into a bear?
Leonard: Gamma radiation, Bruce Banner; you didn't get the Incredible Hulk from that?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.

Quote from the episode The Recombination Hypothesis

Leonard: How does a miserable date end in sex?
Penny: I don't know, it's complicated.
Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply so give it a go.

Quote from the episode The Killer Robot Instability

Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!

Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation

Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Leonard: Set your phasers to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never get a girlfriend that pretty again.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Penny: I just want to know why a five-year-old boy puts on his mom's make-up and wears balloon boobies.
Leonard: They weren't boobies, they were muscles. And the make-up was green, I was pretending to be The Hulk.
Penny: You were wearing her bra.
Leonard: That was to keep my muscles from sagging. Can we please stop talking about this?!

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Leonard: Did you get to the chapter where she staged the Easter Egg Hunt with no eggs to see how long I'd keep looking? The answer, by the way, June.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Sheldon: More like Little House of the Prepostorous.

Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Bernadette: It just seems silly for us to sit in two groups.
Leonard: It's not silly if you think of that group as being led by a big, evil baby.

Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Penny: Come on, let's just get this over with.
Leonard: "Let's just get this over with?" Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory or are we having sex?

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Leonard: No, it's too late. I'm your bran muffin. Probably fat free and good for your colon.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Leonard: Sheldon, I'm going to miss you.
Sheldon: Of course you are.
Leonard: You just made that easier.

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Howard: I did a stupid thing.
Leonard: Yeah, I guessed that.
Howard: It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
Leonard: That covers anything from farting in bed to killing a homeless guy. Oh my God, you ran over a hobo.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Sheldon: You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.
Leonard: Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?
Sheldon: Put it on the back burner.

Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Zack: I don't get it.
Leonard: A dolphin might.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.

Quote from the episode The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary

Leonard: When I made that agreement, I didn't think I'd ever have a hot girlfriend, and I was positive you never would.

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