Penny: No, it does matter. Okay? You were right. It was Halloween. I was dressed as a cat, you were a hobbit. It was right there on that couch.
Leonard: Why didn't you just say that?
Penny: Because I always hated that was our first kiss. I was drunk, and I was still with Kurt, and I was using you to make myself feel better. I just wanted our first kiss to mean something. That's why I said it was the one on your birthday.
Leonard: I like that. We'll make that our official first kiss.

Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.

Leonard: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California.
Sheldon: Yeah, really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?

Leonard: It's color-coded. Red means "fix right away". Yellow is "eh, whenever you get a chance." And green is "I could probably learn to live with it."

Howard: It's the twenty first century, you can't have a duel.
Leonard: Hang on, Howard. Barry, how good of a shot are you?

Leonard: What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Sheldon: Whoo! I'm all sweaty. Anybody wanna log on to Second Life and go swimming? I just built a virtual pool.
Leonard: No, I can't look at you or your avatar right now.

Leonard: (To Raj) I'd like to kick your little brown ass.

Leonard: You're a woman, and I'm going to make you feel things you have never felt before. That's right, say my name, and beg me for more because I'm going to give it to you.

Leonard: A joke. Okay. How about this, um, okay, uh there's this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So, he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum.

Leonard: So, I've got a gunshot wound. That's pretty bad-ass.
Penny: No, you've got a Reebok with a gunshot wound and an ouchie on your pinky toe.

Penny: If I do well in sales, I could end up making a lot more money than you.
Leonard: Not a problem. I grew up with a mother who emasculated my father financially and in every other aspect of his life, so really it's what I think love looks like.

Leonard: Please go to Mars.

Sheldon: Uh, Meemaw, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is my Meemaw.
Leonard: Hi. So nice to finally meet you. Let me take this for you, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Sheldon: No. Now you call her Constance. I call her Meemaw. You have your own Meemaw.
It's not my fault she died when you were four.
Meemaw: Is that nice to say to your friend?
Sheldon: It isn't, Meemaw. Sorry, Leonard.
Leonard: Can you please live with us forever?

Howard: So who wants to rent Fiddler?
Sheldon: No need. We have the special edition.
Leonard: Well, maybe we are like Haroun and Tanweer.