Penny: Hey, that's a cute picture. Isn't that the day we almost went to the beach?
Leonard: Memorial Day?
Penny: No, that was the day we almost went to the mountains.
Leonard: Oh. That's the great thing about California; you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach in the same day.
Penny: Yeah.

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been working on an opening joke for our lecture at Berkeley.
Leonard: Oh, I like to laugh. But say it anyway.

Leonard: Let's look at our pictures; that-that'll jog our memories.
Penny: What is that a picture of?
Leonard: Oh, uh, that's a mole on my back. I wanted to make sure it wasn't growing.
Penny: How'd you get a picture of your own back?
Leonard: Sheldon took it. We're kind of mole buddies.

Raj: Where's Sheldon?
Penny: Date night.
Leonard: That can't be much fun for Amy. You know at work today he tried his first Redbull.
Bernadette: What happened?
Leonard: He chased a squirrel around the quad for a while. And then threw up in my car.

Amy: I'm really worried about Sheldon. I've never seen him this down.
Penny: Have you tried making him a cup of tea?
Amy: He's reevaluated tea. Now he thinks it's nothing but leaf soup.
Leonard: That's a good point.
Penny: No, it's not.
Leonard: No, it's not.

Penny: Uh, well, both of our jobs are going great.
Leonard: Sure. I mean, my Air Force project got taken away, and you're not crazy about selling pharmaceuticals. I'll just write down "still employed."

Penny: What are you doing?
Leonard: Oh, I've decided to write my own Christmas letter. So I'm gonna make a list of all the cool things we did this year.
Penny: Oh, fun. Can I help?
Leonard: Yes. Can you think of a single cool thing we did this year?

Leonard: I worked hard on that speech, too.
Penny: Oh. You could tell it to me.
Leonard: Oh, thank you, but I'm okay.
Penny: Are you sure? I could pretend I'm a high school cheerleader who can't control herself around esteemed alumni.
Leonard: Greetings, distinguished cheerleaders.
Penny: Ooh!

Leonard: You don't know your own husband's birthday.
Penny: Well you don't know everything about me.
Leonard: Your birthday is December 2, you grew up on Perkins Street, the last four digits of your social are 7-6-2-1, and the odds of me letting you forget this are zero.

Leonard: I'm going to hit the head. That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.

Sheldon: Look, not all science pans out. You know, we've been hoping super-symmetry was true for decades, and finally, we built the Large Hadron Collider, which is supposed to prove it by finding these new particles, and it-it hasn't. And maybe super-symmetry, our last big idea, is simply wrong.
Leonard: Well, that sounds awful. Now I get why everyone hates me.

Leonard: No, we don't need to be cheered up. It just turns out that physics is exactly like Lost. Started out great, and turns out just a big old waste of time.

Penny: So, what are you thinking for dinner?
Leonard: Well, it's Thai food night.
Penny: Well, honey, you don't live with Sheldon any more. You can have anything you want.
Leonard: You're right. But what? Mexican? Italian? German? Indian? Greek? Cuban? Chinese? Pizza? Barbecue? Korean? Korean barbecue?
Penny: How about Thai food?
Leonard: Oh, thank God.

Sheldon: All right, now all that's left is for us to sign and date the document, and we will officially no longer be roommates.
Penny: What's the matter?
Leonard: It's harder than I thought.
Sheldon: Let me help you. L-E-O-N-
Leonard: That helped!