Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.

Penny: Well you wouldn't have asked me either.
Leonard: I would have asked you. In my head. On the way home. While I was having a good cry.

Sheldon: Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
Leonard: No. Do you?
Sheldon: I think I'm hysterical.
Leonard: I take it back. That was funny!

Leonard: That's right, you saw what you saw. That's how we roll in the Shire!

Penny: So what package are you thinking?
Leonard: This one comes with music and flowers. Oh, they even stream the whole thing live on the Internet.
Penny: Why would we want that?
Leonard: Because, there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist. Let's give them hope.

Penny: Do you ever imagine what that would be would be like, not being born?
Leonard: *Sheldon's knock* What do you think? *Sheldon's knock* What do you think? *Sheldon's knock* What do you think?

Sheldon: I've never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Leonard: Uhh, umm. I'm Leonard.
Penny: Really? You don't sound so sure.
Leonard: No, I am me.

Leonard: To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother. To all of us. We'll miss you.

(Leonard & Alice are kissing)
Leonard: Damn it, I can't. I can't do this.
Alice: Is it my tongue stud? 'Cause if that freaks you out, you're in for a real surprise later on.

Leonard: Twelve years after high school and I'm still at the nerd table.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz e-lec-tric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will nev-er for-get.

Tom: I'm sorry, dude, she didn't look anything like her picture.
Leonard: They never do.

Leonard: Penny, do you have plans for dinner?
Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere?
Leonard: No, just you and me.
Penny: Have you thought this through?
Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway.

Leonard: (To Raj) No, we don't want to watch Bridget Jones' Diary.