The Big Bang Theory - Penny Quotes

*Wolowitz checks his Caller ID*.
Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. (answers) Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?

Penny: Wait, wait, Sheldon come back, you forgot something.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: This plasma grenade... HA look, it's raining YOU!

Penny: Whassup Moonpie?

Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so don't operate heavy machinery, and try not to choke on your own drool.
*Sheldon is is about to leave.*
Penny: Wait! You have to help me get into bed. (laughs) "Sheldon has to help me get into bed". Bet you thought I'd never say that!
Sheldon: Yes. Charmed, your drug-addled candour knows no bounds.
*Sheldon follows her to her room after shutting the door. He pulls down the covers to help Penny into bed.*
Penny: You know people think you are this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time and you totally are. But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs.
Sheldon: Thats a fairly laboured metaphor but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.
Penny: Sing 'Soft Kitty' to me.
Sheldon: 'Soft kitty' is for when you're sick, you're not sick.
Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.
Sheldon: (sitting on the bed next to her) Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...
Penny: Wait wait. Lets sing it as a round. I'll start. Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... *Sheldon doesn't join in.*
Penny: So that is when you come in. I'll start over. Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Still nothing from Sheldon.
Penny: I've got all night Sheldon. *She starts again.*
Penny: Soft Kitty, warm kitty...
Sheldon: Soft Kitty, warm kitty... *They both sing the entire song together.*

Leonard: What got into him?
Penny: Oh, a couple of virgin Cuba Libres who turned out to be a little slutty.
Leonard: You didn't.
Penny: You do your little experiments, I do mine.

Penny: Holy crap on a cracker!

Sheldon: *Holding Flash #123* I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-conceived cricket wager.
Penny: What, do they have Wii Cricket now? Well, that can’t be very popular.

Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh sweetie you'd be the last to know about it

Sheldon: (asking Penny not to think of Leonard as a sexual partner) I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you ...
Sheldon: Whatever works.

Penny: Hey Leonard, what's up with Dr Wackadoodle?

Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!

Penny: (Barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something. 
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.

Sheldon: Aha, the thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.
Penny: Intresting.
Sheldon: Isn't it!  
Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

Sheldon: (At The Cheesecake Factory) Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
Penny: I don't know, a psychiatrist?

Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.

(At the mailboxes).
Penny: Get anything good?
Sheldon: Just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.
Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't!

Leonard: Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?
Penny: Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!

Penny: Oh man, did the KISS Army repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Sheldon: I need your help in a matter of semiotics.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols as a branch of the philosophy related to linguistics.
Penny: Okay, honey, I know you think you are explaining yourself, but you're really not.

Penny: You don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.

Penny: Oh, Voodoo is real. You don't want to mess with Voodoo.

Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie.
Leonard: You know I'm lactose intolerant.
Penny: I know; I just need you to stop talking.

Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.

Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.

Leonard: If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.