Leonard: I thought this was gonna be boring but it's actually kinda fun.
Penny: Don't tell Amy that; we'll be here every Sunday.

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of it.
Penny: Well, didn't he do a lot of the work?
Leonard: But now he's happy to let everyone think he's responsible for everything.
Penny: And that's why you get an iPad helicopter.

Penny: Well, of course he's desirable. I mean, he's great. He's smart, he's sweet and, ooh, in the bedroom, whew, let me tell you he really tries.

Leonard: Okay. Now, what I'm hearing is that you feel that I sometimes take too long to express myself, and you wish I'd be more succinct.
Penny: You're only hearing that because I cannot roll my eyes any louder.

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Penny: Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?!

Leonard: So you're actually okay with invading your friend's privacy?
Penny: You're not curious who she's out with?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: But you're curious about aluminum cans. You're a weird little guy.

Penny: Next time I get a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon: Here come the waterworks!
*Sheldon runs off to the bathroom*
Leonard: Aren't you going to ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Amy: Sheldon told me he had a new assistant named Alex. He didn't mention that Alex was a girl.
Penny: Maybe he didn't notice.

Penny: You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, and we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.

Amy: I'm gonna go look for other shoes.
Penny: Good luck. I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.

Leonard: I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.
Penny: Again, it was miniature golf.
Leonard: Admit it, you're a little turned on.
Penny: You can't be this proud.
Leonard: Why not?
Penny: Because I beat you.

Penny: So, does Sheldon have anything special planned for you tomorrow night?
Amy: Oh, yes. According to the relationship agreement, on the anniversary of our first date, he must take me to a nice dinner, ask about my day, and engage in casual physical contact that a disinterested onlooker might mistake for intimacy.
Penny: That's hot. You kids better use protection.

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Leonard: Thought you were getting us dinner.
Penny: Sorry. I had to stop at Sheldon's and help him solve string theory.
Amy: What?
Penny: Yeah, turns out the answer's knots.
Leonard: That's cute, but you can't have knots in more than four dimensions.
Penny: Mmm ... you can if you consider them sheets. [chuckling] Good night.