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Quote from the episode The Hook-Up Reverberation

Howard: You know, when I was a kid I loved going there but I could never get a ride.
Raj: Ooh, what if we got a van and drove around, and picked kids up?
Sheldon: Nice! Like at parks and schools.
Howard: Toy stores, puppet shows.
Leonard: Hold on, so your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Sheldon: Yes!
Leonard: And are you going to use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

4.8

Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Raj: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!

4.8

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!

4.8

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Raj: Okay, here we go.
(To Leonard & Penny) Say cheese.
(To Sheldon & Amy) Say cheese.
(To Howard & Bernadette) Say cousin.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Septum Deviation

Raj: I'm sorry I'm so late. I was on the phone with my mother.
Bernadette: How is she?
Raj: Pretty good. She bought the book "Eat, Pray, Love", and used it to set my father's Mercedes on fire.

4.8

Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification

Penny: What do you mean 'new roommate'? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: Same thing that happened to 'Homo Erectus'. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Monopolar Expedition

Raj: My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings.

4.7

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Raj: Hey, Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
Leonard: Where are you going with this, Raj?
Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Raj: Cute is for bunnies. I want to be something with sex appeal. Like a labradoodle.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Precious Fragmentation

Sheldon: One ring to rule them all.
Rajesh: One ring to find them.
Wolowitz: One ring to bring them all.
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.

Rajesh: Holy crap are we nerdy!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Dumpling Paradox

Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Wolowitz: You're such a douche
Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Raj: Isn't there a policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No, if you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn, there's always a catch.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Toast Derivation

Wolowitz: Raj, did you ever tell your sister about the time Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates?
Priya: Oh, God, you're kidding.
Raj: No, Gates gave a speech at the university. Sheldon went up to him afterwards and said, "Maybe if you weren't so distracted by sick children in Africa you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista."

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Raj: I'm going to be deported .Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation

Rajesh: You know there's something I've always wondered about Aquaman
Leonard: Yeah?
Rajesh: Where does he poop?
Leonard: What?
Rajesh: What do the toilet look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?

4.6

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: People change names on blogs to protect their privacy. Roger is Raj.
Raj: Oh, I always thought if I had a white name it would be Gavin.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Raj: Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw Carrie and did not want to go to an American prom. Then I saw Never Been Kissed and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom things been a real rollercoaster.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Champagne Reflection

Leonard: Well, that's it. It's the end of Roger Abbott.
Raj: And we still don't know who framed him.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Gothowitz Deviation

Girl: What are you gonna get, Raj?
Raj: With my luck, hepatitis.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Herb Garden Germination

Raj: Shut your ass!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Raj: But e-excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days -- the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what its like to the be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Raj: It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I'm very unhappy that you turned it into a double date. I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes.
Sheldon: The plural of coccyx is coccyges.
Raj: Screw you, give me back my lima beans.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Raj: With your American accent, everything you say sounds stupid.

4.6

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