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Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Raj: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!

4.8

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!

4.7

Quote from the episode The Dumpling Paradox

Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Raj: Isn't there a policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No, if you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn, there's always a catch.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Raj: I'm going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay, or as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Apology Insufficiency

Raj: I can't talk to the FBI.
Howard: Why? They're just going to ask background questions about me.
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Raj: But e-excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days -- the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what its like to the be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Re-Entry Minimization

Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time. Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Stuart: I don't have a girlfriend.
Raj: It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.
Stuart: That sounds a little
funny to an American ear.
Raj: Which part?
Stuart: Just all of it.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Engagement Reaction

Raj: Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord! (Runs to the bathroom to wash his mouth)
Leonard: That's not your water.
Raj: I know!

4.6

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Insurance will replace your car, it won't defunk my junk.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Sheldon: *Knock* Raj ... *Knock* ... Raj *Knock* ... Raj.
*Raj answers the door*
Raj: I'm busy.
Sheldon: Doing what? *Raj does his finger trick again* Ok, you've made your point.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: People change names on blogs to protect their privacy. Roger is Raj.
Raj: Oh, I always thought if I had a white name it would be Gavin.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Raj: It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.

4.6

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Leonard: Ive always been a little confused about this. Why dont Hindus eat beef?

Raj: We believe cows are gods.

Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.

Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood Im in, Ill take you out, I swear to cow!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Raj: Oh, you're so arrogant! If you were a super hero your name would be Captain Arrogant. And do you know what your super power would be? Arrogance!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Raj: They don't call me Brown Dynamite for nothin'.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Doesn't anybody have a rod of resurection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Ok, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Rajesh: I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with you.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Raj:Hey, buddy, I'm gonna be in People Magazine.
Charlie Sheen: Yeah, call me when you're on the cover.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Vengeance Formulation

Leonard (to Sheldon): What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude.
Leonard (to Raj): You're not helping.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Friendship Turbulence

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Howard: You sure? Not even coffee? We have R2-Decaf. Maybe a nice Cafe au Leah.
Raj: And if you're not in the mood for coffee, I can always make you a Chai Tea-3PO.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Transporter Malfunction

Raj: No, I'm not gay. If anything, I'm metrosexual.
Dr. Koothrappali: What's that?
Raj: It means that I like women, as well as their skin-care products.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment

Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.
Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.
Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual car, you can't drive.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a genie who grants wishes to little boys who sucks at "MarioKart."

4.5

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Rajesh: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Ok, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnatude worse than Star Trek 5.
Rajesh: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is messured!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Apology Insufficiency

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Itchy Brain Simulation

Howard: The man impersonating a bear would like you to know that "Only you can prevent forest fires."
Raj: I don't get it.
Howard: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India?
Raj: No. Was he anything like Munmun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras.
Howard: You had to be taught not to play with cobras?
Raj: You had to be taught not to burn down the forest?

4.5

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