Howard: Let me get this straight. So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
Raj: I'm just gonna say it: that's not okay.

Raj: Ah beer, the magic elixir that can turn this poor shy Indian boy in the life of the party ... Oh yeah!

Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

Mrs. Koothrappali: What are we suppose to tell Lalita's parents?
Dr. Koothrappali: I play golf with her father, I won't be able to look at him.
Raj: Why don't you keep your eye on the ball, Papa?

Amy: (To Raj) Should somebody as lonely as you really be making fun of me?
Raj: Yeah, grow up, Howard! God.

Amy: So what am I supposed to do now?
Raj: Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring?

Raj: Emily, your face is like a precious Dew-kissed flower.
Amy: Wow.
Raj: I know. Powerful stuff, huh?
Amy: No. You're supposed to be yourself. Not all desperate and creepy.
Raj: Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.

Sheldon: Oh look, Saturn 3 is on.
Raj: I don't want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space Nine is better.
Sheldon: How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?
Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you its six better.

Raj: I don't wanna go back to India, it's hot and loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea, they're everywhere.

Howard: This man (Raj), held my breast the other day and I love him for it.
Raj: A little loud, dude.

Raj: Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat like a million hamburgers.
Raj: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.

Amy: I can't believe Penny's married to Zack.
Raj: I wonder what she saw in that guy.
Bernadette: I don't know. He's sweet. He's tall. Handsome.
Amy: Broad shoulders. Good hair.
Raj: Hmm, I wonder what she sees in Leonard.

Raj: Oh sure. I sit on the floor for years and no one cares. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds and suddenly we're all running to IKEA.

Raj: Lock up your daughters, we're going to hit it and quit it.

Howard: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.