Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 2 of 52

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Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Raj: I'm going to be deported. Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

Quote from the episode The Hook-Up Reverberation

Howard: You know, when I was a kid I loved going there but I could never get a ride.
Raj: Ooh, what if we got a van and drove around, and picked kids up?
Sheldon: Nice! Like at parks and schools.
Howard: Toy stores, puppet shows.
Leonard: Hold on, so your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Sheldon: Yes!
Leonard: And are you going to use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Raj: Hey, Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
Leonard: Where are you going with this, Raj?
Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude.

Quote from the episode The Champagne Reflection

Leonard: Well, that's it. It's the end of Roger Abbott.
Raj: And we still don't know who framed him.

Quote from the episode The Wildebeest Implementation

Raj: She didn't even get to see my penis.

Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has 'nerd' in it. 'Len. Nerd.'
Wolowitz: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: People change names on blogs to protect their privacy. Roger is Raj.
Raj: Oh, I always thought if I had a white name it would be Gavin.

Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Wolowitz: You're such a douche
Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin!

Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Quote from the episode The Herb Garden Germination

Raj: Shut your ass!

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I'm very unhappy that you turned it into a double date. I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes.
Sheldon: The plural of coccyx is coccyges.
Raj: Screw you. Give me back my lima beans.

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Raj: Ooo, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.

Quote from the episode The Weekend Vortex

Raj: But excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days -- the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what it's like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Leonard: I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out, I swear to cow!

Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation

Leonard: I'd suggest using some lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on that as well.
Howard: Not funny, Leonard.
Raj: Oh, come on, dude. A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk. It's funny. Ask anyone.

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