Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Howard: So if you think that's creepy, you married the wrong guy.
Bernadette: Maybe I should marry Trent.
Raj: Yeah, like she could get Trent.

Raj: They asked me what my biggest weakness was, and 45 minutes later, they thanked me for coming.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Raj: Uh, making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Hmm. What are you doing now?
Raj: Still making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Oh, I see. How about now?
Raj: Now I'm making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced and wishing you had a coloring book.

Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Penny: Okay, here they come.
Bernadette: Go hide.
Raj: Oh, man, when I come out of the closet, I'm gonna nail those guys! Yeah, I heard it. Shut up.

Raj: I want you to know, I did what you asked. I talked to Ruchi and found out what's going on at work.
Bernadette: So is she trying to steal my projects?
Raj: No, not trying to, sounds like it's a done deal. Here, have a brownie.
Bernadette: I'm gonna kill her.
Raj: Okay, don't take this out on Ruchi. Is she trying to take your job? Yes. Is she parking in your space? Yes.
Did she get a laugh at a meeting yesterday by calling you "Pregnadette"? Big one. But you would've done the exact same thing, and you know it.

Bernadette: Since when do you work on weekends?
Raj: I'm an astrophysicist. The stars don't take a day off.
Penny: You were home alone and had no one to play with?
Raj: Well, the cleaning lady was there, but she doesn't like me.

Raj: Okay. Would you ladies please leave the room for a moment?
Penny: Why?
Raj: I need to rub my genitals on their prototype.
Bernadette: What's going on?
Raj: Leonard and Howard dont have a flat. They went to the movies. Look.
Penny: Un-freakin' believable.
Bernadette: Son of a bitch!

Howard: Look at Nowitzki over there.
Leonard: I can't believe she tried to steal Sheldon from Amy.
Raj: You know what? I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now and that her little plan didn't work.
Howard: Because you're sticking up for Sheldon, or because you're still mad she rejected you?
Raj: Too far away, can't hear you.

Bernadette: Come on, Raj, give me a bag.
Raj: No, no, you're pregnant. The only thing you carry is our hope for a better tomorrow.

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Howard: You sure you don't want to come watch Game of Thrones with us?
Bernadette: You guys have fun. I'm just gonna snuggle up in bed with a book.
Raj: Oh, that sounds great, a bed to yourself. Can't even remember what that's like.

Raj: Hey, Claire.
Claire: Hey, what's up?
Raj: Hi, yeah. Um, I was wondering, if you're free Saturday night, all my friends are going to a wine tasting.
Claire: Sure, I guess. If you don't think meeting your friends is too big a step.
Raj: Why would it be too big a step?
Claire: I don't know. I just don't want things to get weird.
Raj: Nothing to worry about. People meet people all the time, and it isn't weird. I met Bon Jovi once, which you'd think might be weird. Turns out, total sweetheart.
Claire: Okay, but you and I have been keeping things casual. Uh, will you introduce me as your friend or as your girlfriend? What if I like them and they don't like me? What if they like me and I don't like them?
Raj: Boy, it wasn't this hard with Bon Jovi. I said you rock, he said "Thanks, man," and that was that.

Raj: Oh my god, I just got it. Fun onions. Funyuns. Hahahaha!