Howard: So if you think that's creepy, you married the wrong guy.
Bernadette: Maybe I should marry Trent.
Raj: Yeah, like she could get Trent.

Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Raj: Aw, I have to go to the bathroom so bad.
Sheldon: Every year, I told you wear a diaper.
Raj: I told you I get diaper rash!

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Bernadette: Hey, Raj. Dad and I were just talking about taking down this wall.
Raj: You sure? It's a pretty great wall.
Mike Rostenkowski: What's so great about it?
Raj: (To Howard) I'm sorry. I did what I could.

Leonard: Did you hear about this study that found people that were cool and popular at 13 have problems succeeding later in life?
Raj: Hmm. I'm doing okay, and I was very popular at 13.
Penny: In school?
Raj: Oh, no. At home. The servants would sing to me, laugh at my jokes. I wish I knew their names.

Raj: Hey, make sure you tell him that you weren't home when he came by and that your Indian friend gave you the message the moment you stepped through the door.

Raj: Uh, no no, uh, definitely not.
Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. Really round us out.

Howard: Okay, sure, I can meet with you on Thursday. Caltech is fine. Yeah, and may I ask what this is about? (laughs) I may not?
Raj: (To Bernadette) That's what he said to me!

Sheldon: Thanks for coming with me.
Raj: Thanks for inviting me when everyone else said no.

Emily: Look, Raj, be honest with me. If you want to end things, just do it. Don't expect me to do it for you.
Raj: End things? I'm trying to tell you that I love you.

Sheldon: Raj, you're probably wondering why Amy and I aren't showing any affection to one another.
Raj: Didn't even crack the top ten.

Howard: No, she's right. As long as I've known you, you've always been self-conscious about your cleavage.
Raj: It's because you keep trying to stick pencils in it.

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Raj: Hello, sorry I'm late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.
Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny?
Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.