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Quote from the episode The Itchy Brain Simulation

Howard: The man impersonating a bear would like you to know that "Only you can prevent forest fires."
Raj: I don't get it.
Howard: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India?
Raj: No. Was he anything like Munmun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras.
Howard: You had to be taught not to play with cobras?
Raj: You had to be taught not to burn down the forest?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Rajesh: I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with you.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Raj: Hey, buddy, I'm gonna be in People Magazine.
Charlie Sheen: Yeah, call me when you're on the cover.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Insurance will replace your car, it won't defunk my junk.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Guitarist Amplification

Raj: Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that I had to cook chicken and rice with this vegan guy. You know what vegan chicken and rice is? It's rice!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Herb Garden Germination

Raj: It's amazing what liquor does to guilt.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pirate Solution

Raj: I don't wanna go back to India, it's hot and loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea, they're everywhere.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Gorilla Experiment

Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.
Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.
Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual car, you can't drive.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a genie who grants wishes to little boys who sucks at MarioKart.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Love Car Displacement

Howard: What, I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
Raj: Id like to weigh in here: No.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Proton Transmogrification

Howard: You sure? Not even coffee? We have R2-Decaf. Maybe a nice Cafe au Leah.
Raj: And if you're not in the mood for coffee, I can always make you a Chai Tea-3PO.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Septum Deviation

Raj: So, what's up with you guys?
Howard: We're just saying all the things we love about each other.
Raj: Oh, like you and I did at couple's therapy?

4.5

Quote from the episode The Champagne Reflection

Raj: You know, I thought cleaning out a dead professor's office was gonna just be boring, but then I found his dentures and realized it's also gross.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Transporter Malfunction

Raj: No, I'm not gay. If anything, I'm metrosexual.
Dr. Koothrappali: What's that?
Raj: It means that I like women, as well as their skin-care products.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor

Raj: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw up.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Raj: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Koothrapali.
Leonard: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Hofstadter.
Sheldon: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Cooper.
Howard: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Mr. Wolowitz

4.5

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Apology Insufficiency

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise? (nobody reacts) Oh, screw you! That's funny!

4.5

Quote from the episode The Vengeance Formulation

Leonard: What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude.
Leonard: You're not helping.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it, I am able to stay in the same room with then without urinating.

4.5

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Leonard: I'm not going out tonight, Raj.
Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography?
Leonard: Very much.
Raj: Doesn't have to be Asian.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Cornhusker Vortex

Wolowitz: At least I can talk to women without being drunk.
Rajesh: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognised medical disorder. You're just a douche.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Locomotive Manipulation

Raj: Cinnamon, she gave me her phone number! If I'd known it was that easy, I'd have considered poisoning you months ago.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification

Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Okay, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnitude worse than Star Trek 5.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Engagement Reaction

Raj: Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook picture.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Raj: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Raj: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Workplace Proximity

Raj: His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

Raj: Welcome to the Raj Majal.

4.4

Quote from the episode The Locomotive Manipulation

Yvette: You're the owner?
Raj: Owner. Father. Soul mate. And, if anything happens to her, your (Leonard & Penny) worst nightmare!

4.4

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