Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 36 of 49

Searching Search quotes

Quote from the episode The Spoiler Alert Segmentation

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the side effect of horrible anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?
Howard: Anyway, it was Bernie's idea to rebrand the stuff as a cure for constipation.
Raj: Way to make lemonade. You know, from around the corner where fudge is made.

Quote from the episode The Spoiler Alert Segmentation

Howard: My mom's been kind of an emotional wreck since that dentist she was dating dumped her.
Raj: Dumped her? What, did he use a forklift? Sorry. There's nothing funny about morbid obesity.
Howard: She's huge. It was funny.

Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor

Raj: Nice place. Reminds me of my parents' house back in New Delhi.
Howard: You're kidding.
Raj: No. We are very wealthy. But the only difference is, we have more servants.
Leonard: More than this?
Raj: More than we can use. You see, in India, we don't make the mistake of letting our poor people have dreams.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Okay. Well, a couple of things. Don't tell them I come from money. I want them to love me for me. They must be insanely hot. Like nines or tens.
Penny: Nines or tens?
Raj: Okay, an eight is acceptable if she's willing to bring another eight to the hot tub.
Bernadette: Bottom line, you'll take any woman who'll have you, right?
Raj: In a New Delhi minute.

Quote from the episode The Classified Materials Turbulence

Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude.
Sheldon: You don't really believe in that superstition, do you?
Raj: It's not superstition. It's practically Newtonian. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch. Therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It's actually a very elegant system. You know, what goes around comes around.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: Listen to me, if she's writing about your relationship, use it to your advantage. Rig the game.
Raj: Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Howard: Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys more than nervous weirdos?
Raj: No, it's not. I've always thought that was unfair.

Quote from the episode The Russian Rocket Reaction

Raj: You're not only our first astronaut, you're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You're like a rockstar.
Howard: Little bit.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Raj: Penny, you became disenchanted with Leonard as a lover. Would you please tell my sister why?

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Raj: Leonard, I swear to God, if you sister ever comes to town, I shall have my way with her.
Leonard: my sister's thirty-eight and married.
Raj: All the more shame that will fall upon the house of Hofstadter.

Quote from the episode The Cornhusker Vortex

Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Quote from the episode The Cornhusker Vortex

Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.

Quote from the episode The Cooper/Kripke Inversion

Raj: Oh, I'm not dark chocolate. I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel.

Quote from the episode The Closet Reconfiguration

Raj: These spring rolls are amazing. Good job, Bernadette.
Bernadette: That's the takeout that Sheldon brought.
Raj: Oh, well, I'm sure they wouldn't have tasted nearly as good if I hadn't tried your food first.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Raj: Look at this. Do you think she's really doing that or is it PhotoShop?
Leonard: I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japense guys.
Raj: You don't know that. Prison changes people.

Showing quotes 526 to 540 of 721Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Submit Quotes