Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 36 of 44

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Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Okay. Well, a couple of things. Don't tell them I come from money. I want them to love me for me. They must be insanely hot. Like nines or tens.
Penny: Nines or tens?
Raj: Okay, an eight is acceptable if she's willing to bring another eight to the hot tub.
Bernadette: Bottom line, you'll take any woman who'll have you, right?
Raj: In a New Delhi minute.

Quote from the episode The Classified Materials Turbulence

Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude.
Sheldon: You don't really believe in that superstition, do you?
Raj: It's not superstition. It's practically Newtonian. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch. Therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It's actually a very elegant system. You know, what goes around comes around.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: Listen to me, if she's writing about your relationship, use it to your advantage. Rig the game.
Raj: Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Howard: Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys more than nervous weirdos?
Raj: No, it's not. I've always thought that was unfair.

Quote from the episode The Russian Rocket Reaction

Raj: You're not only our first astronaut, you're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You're like a rockstar.
Howard: Little bit.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Raj: Penny, you became disenchanted with Leonard as a lover. Would you please tell my sister why?

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Raj: Leonard, I swear to God, if you sister ever comes to town, I shall have my way with her.
Leonard: my sister's thirty-eight and married.
Raj: All the more shame that will fall upon the house of Hofstadter.

Quote from the episode The Cornhusker Vortex

Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Quote from the episode The Cornhusker Vortex

Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.

Quote from the episode The Cooper/Kripke Inversion

Raj: Oh, I'm not dark chocolate. I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel.

Quote from the episode The Closet Reconfiguration

Raj: These spring rolls are amazing. Good job, Bernadette.
Bernadette: That's the takeout that Sheldon brought.
Raj: Oh, well, I'm sure they wouldn't have tasted nearly as good if I hadn't tried your food first.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Raj: Look at this. Do you think she's really doing that or is it PhotoShop?
Leonard: I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japense guys.
Raj: You don't know that. Prison changes people.

Quote from the episode The Alien Parasite Hypothesis

Howard: First of all, if we had superpowers, I wouldn't be the sidekick. You'd be the sidekick.
Raj: Rat-Man is nobody's sidekick.

Quote from the episode The Alien Parasite Hypothesis

Howard: Let me ask you a question. What are you afraid of?
Raj: I don't know. Um, nuclear war. Accidentally being buried alive. Any of those movies where you get that phone call that says you're going to die, and then you do.
Howard: No. Something very specific that we both know you, Rajesh Koothrappali, are terrified of.
Raj: Well, type two diabetes runs in my family. The thought of losing a toe-
Howard: Spiders! You're afraid of spiders.

Quote from the episode The Einstein Approximation

Raj: Great. It's not like I brought it up because I wanted to go.
Howard: You can come with us.
Raj: No, it's okay. I don't have to go. I'm happy to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I'm a walking, brown Yelp.com

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