Howard: What's wrong with your car?
Raj: I'm having my windows untinted.
Howard: Why?
Raj: I've got a hot girlfriend now. I want the haters to know.
Howard: What are you talking about? No one's paying attention to you.
Raj: Wow. How's that hater-ade taste, bro?

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.

Stuart: I was wondering if I could crash at your place for a few nights.
Raj: Sure, of course. Oh, actually Emily was going to spend the night.
Stuart: You slept with her? Nice.
Raj: I can't take all the credit. She let me do it to her.

Sheldon: Thanks for coming with me.
Raj: Thanks for inviting me when everyone else said no.

Sheldon: Now, I have all the ingredients except cardamom seeds. Do you happen to have any on you?
Raj: Sorry, I left them in my turban.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

Raj: So you have tattoos?
Emily: Yeah.
Raj: I don't. I have a hole in my belly button that may or may not have been a piercing.
Emily: That's cool.
Raj: It's a piercing.

Raj: So how many tattoos?
Emily: One on my shoulder. One not on my shoulder. And one really not on my shoulder.
Raj: It's been a long time since I've seen a girl's really not her shoulder.

Raj: But before I take my shirt off, I need like ten minutes to do some crunches.

Raj: Can I make you breakfast? Admiral Ackbar's Snack Bar is open for business!

Howard: You sure? Not even coffee? We have R2-Decaf. Maybe a nice Cafe au Leah.
Raj: And if you're not in the mood for coffee, I can always make you a Chai Tea-3PO.

Raj: You're a good friend. I'll owe you one.
Mrs. Wolowitz (off-screen): Howard, help me get out of the tub!
*Howard looks at Raj*
Raj: Not that one!

Raj: Why does Emily like this stuff? Do you think there's something psychologically wrong with her?
Howard: What difference does it make?
Raj: What do you mean?
Howard: Come on, she could have a freezer full of ex-boyfriends' body parts and you'd still go out with her.
Raj: I do like that the ex-boyfriend's out of the picture.

Howard: Let me get this straight. So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
Raj: I'm just gonna say it: that's not okay.