Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like ruining ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Raj: I'm telling you, Leonard, video slot machines, free drinks brought to us by a bosomy barmaid and all you can eat shrimp for $3.95. Disneyland can suck it. This is the real happiest place on Earth.

Raj: Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions, but there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?

Penny: This girl is trouble. What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I've ever had!

Raj: This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle.

Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, "It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography."

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

Raj: Amy, you're on rolls, cranberries and making sure Bernadette stays away from the marshmallows.
Raj: *To Bernadette* That's right, I see you.

Raj: You slept with my sister?
Leonard: Yeah?
Howard: How could you? We had a pact.
Raj: Excuse me, I think "How could you, she's my sister" takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinkie swear.

Raj: I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?

Stuart: Is make-up really necessary?
Raj: When somebody looks at your dating profile, the first thing they see is your picture. I just want to make sure you look fun and full of life, not like a body they just pulled out the river.

Howard: You can't do "Buzz." Buzz is taken.
Raj: Buzz Lightyear is not real.
Howard: No, that's not what I'm talking about.
Raj: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real?
Howard: No.

Leonard: Well, that's it. It's the end of Roger Abbott.
Raj: And we still don't know who framed him.

Raj: Okay, what shall be the first to taste the wrath of MONTE?
Leonard: Maybe we should start small.
Raj: Okay, oh, perhaps today is the day we finally find out what's inside the Magic 8 Ball.
Sheldon: Did it when I was 4. It's an icosahedral die floating in tinted blue water.
Raj: Man, call spoiler alert before you say things like that.

Raj: Come on! You know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali.