*In tattoo salon*.
Girl: What are you gonna get, Raj?
Raj: With my luck - Hepatitis!
Rajesh: Ooo, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.
Wolowitz: Okay, forget giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Rajesh: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Raj: My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!
Hooker: What's your name?
Raj: Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali.
Hooker: Hello Rajesh Ram...Hello Rajesh.
(Arguing over the name for their team after having jointly decided to take part in the University Physics Bowl:)
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.
Wolowitz: You're such a doosh.
Raj: Who cares!? You slept with your cousin!
Raj: She is exactly Howard's type. A hooker.
Raj: I'm going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay, or as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.
Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.
Raj: I don't want to go back to India! It's hot, and it's loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea -- they're everywhere.
Raj: With your American accent, everything you say sounds stupid!
Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it, I am able to stay in the same room with then without urinating.
Raj: What do you say Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!
Rajesh: I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with you.
Raj: Can you believe it! He watched me work for 10 minutes and than he tried to build a little peace of software that could replace me!
Leonard: Is that really possible?
Raj: As it turned out, yes.
Wolowitz:I think that you and Penny had a poor night!
Leonard: It wasn't poor! It was... just fine!
Raj: Dude, the fourth Harry Potter movie was just fine!
Rajesh: Excuse me but I don't think Penny is out of line at all. You don't own her. It's like my girl Beyonce says: If you like you should've put a ring on it.
Raj: Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? It's rice!
Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Rajesh: Oh, great cut the foreign guy in half. There's a billion more where that came from.
Raj: In Avatar when they have sex on Pandora they hook up their ponytails so we know their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they fly horses or fly on their birds they also use their ponytails.
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Raj: My point is that if I was a bird or a horse I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.
Rajesh: How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!!
Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Rajesh: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Ok, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnatude worse than Star Trek 5.
Rajesh: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is messured!
Rajesh: What are you waiting for?! Kill Wil Wheaton! From hell's heart, stab at him!
Raj: Hey, Leonard?
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
Leonard: Where are you going with this, Raj?
Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude.
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