The Big Bang Theory - Rajesh Quotes

Raj: I'm going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay, or as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.

Raj: I don't want to go back to India! It's hot, and it's loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea -- they're everywhere.

Rajesh: I'd rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with you.

Wolowitz: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.

*In tattoo salon*.
Girl: What are you gonna get, Raj?
Raj: With my luck - Hepatitis!

(Arguing over the name for their team after having jointly decided to take part in the University Physics Bowl:)
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Raj: What do you say Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!

Rajesh: Ooo, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.

Raj: My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!

Raj: With your American accent, everything you say sounds stupid!

Rajesh: Excuse me but I don't think Penny is out of line at all. You don't own her. It's like my girl Beyonce says: If you like you should've put a ring on it.

Rajesh: How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!!

Howard: (reading his mobile phone) Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth. Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Rajesh: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Ok, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnatude worse than Star Trek 5.
Rajesh: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is messured!

Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Rajesh: Oh, great cut the foreign guy in half. There's a billion more where that came from.

Raj: Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? It's rice!

Raj: Disneyland can suck it. This is the real happiest place on Earth.

Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.

Leonard: Here's an approximation of the spare parts available on the Space Station. We gotta find a way, using nothing but this, to reinforce this so the waste material avoids the spinning turbine.
Raj: You mean so it doesn't hit the fan?

Howard: I guess times have changed since we were young. Smart is the new sexy.
Leonard: Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart.
Rajesh: Maybe we're too smart. So smart it's off-putting.

*Discussing Paintball Strategy*
Raj: We need a plan. How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
Leonard: I forget, which one is Hammer of the Gods?
Raj: We hide behind the Dumpsters in the parking lot and ambush people when they come to pee.

Raj: I hate myself, but I'm pretty sure I'm mad at you!

Rajesh: Die, Toaster, Die!

Sheldon: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?
Rajesh: As with my father I both love and fear it.

Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!