Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 191

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Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Then why don't you ever drive yourself?
Sheldon: Honestly, I barely passed my test. And the one time I drove on my own, I made a U-turn, got dizzy, threw up and walked home.
Howard: You really want to drive?
Sheldon: It seems like the perfect time. The roads are straight, there's no one around, and you don't seem to care if you live or die.
Howard: Live, Sheldon. I want to live.
Sheldon: That makes things a little trickier, but I'll do my best.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: You don't even have a license.
Sheldon: Actually, I do.
Howard: Really? Since when?
Sheldon: Three years ago. I went on a bit of a license kick. I'm also a commercial fisherman.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Sheldon: Outdoor wedding. I know what I'll be using that cliff for.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Sheldon: Well, I found the perfect wedding date.
Amy: That's terrific!
Sheldon: No, it's not. It was May 19, 1996. We would have had a lovely wedding. And our honeymoon would have coincided with the first appearance of the Hale-Bopp comet.
Amy: Sheldon, you were 16.
Sheldon: And in Texas. No one would have batted an eye. Oh, wait, it's no good. That's the day that Jon Pertwee, the third Doctor Who, died.
And it's in the past.
Hey-hey, I said it's no good-- just let it go.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Amy: I thought we agreed on June 15.
Sheldon: That's the day after Flag Day. Everyone'll be partied out.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Sheldon: Wait, oh, and I just I want to let you know right now that we are not getting married in a church.
Mary Cooper: That's all right, Sheldon. Anywhere Jesus is is a church.
Sheldon: Well, he won't be at our wedding.
Mary Cooper: He's in my heart, so if I'm there, he'll be there.
Sheldon: Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one. You don't get to bring anyone else.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Amy: Sheldon, I know this isn't easy, but you'll have a whole lifetime to practice.
Sheldon: It could take that long, I'm really bad at it.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is a genius. If he said 'no,' I wasn't going to waste time on her father.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Sheldon: It's like having Optimus Prime over to dinner and not asking him to turn into a truck.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy.
*Amy opens the door. Sheldon is on one knee, holding out an engagement ring*
Sheldon: Will you marry me?

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Ramona Nowitzki: Hey, did you eat yet?
Sheldon: Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no. I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Penny: All right. What do you think is happening?
Sheldon: I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague. I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor. And I need to update my rsum to include swimming as a special skill.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Penny: We need to talk.
Sheldon: Wh-- Is this about Leonard and Amy? I don't like it either.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Sheldon: That was fun. It was like Mario Kart.

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