Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 153

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Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: I knew we should've never mentioned us living together in the first place.
Amy: She was gonna find out eventually.
Sheldon: Disagree. We've known about evolution since 1859. She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe? Don't you maniacs own a calendar?

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: It was fine, other than the weird-tasting juice Amy gave me. I slept the whole way.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Amy: You know, there's a chance she might be okay with it.
Sheldon: Eh, I don't know. I am her precious little boy. And you did take my flower.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: Amy and I are living together in sin, like a couple of New Yorkers. Now, while you scold us, I'm going to get a knife and a fork. Joe may be sloppy, but Sheldon's not.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: You know, I just learned Amy went to a theme park without me, but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. I'll wait, and ruin 24 individual hours sprinkled throughout the year.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: Well, I believe we were kissing like randy teenagers, and your nose was whistling ever so slightly.
Amy: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Oh, don't be. You were like a foxy tea kettle.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: We seem to be moving on to the annual coitus portion of your birthday festivities.
Amy: Is that okay?
Sheldon: I didn't put on my come-hither plaid PJs for nothing.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: This is for you. I was going to wrap it, but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Amy: I'll put in on the list with peaches and felt.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: Childbirth, looming coitus? This is a banner night for female genitals.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Amy: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I'm not sure. Earlier tonight, things began organically, and now it's feeling forced, like all the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.
Amy: I love it. Thank you.
Sheldon: And it's not just an MRI. The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.

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