Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 165

Searching Search quotes

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 2,462Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: Wait, so how does the story end? Is the baby a jerk or is Bernadette a bad mother?
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: What? Is there another twist coming? Is the baby not theirs at all?

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby will you promise not to make me touch it?
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: Hey, how's life with your baby?
Amy: Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
Sheldon: To this day I've never touched Stuart.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Amy: You know, I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad. But, you know, at the end of the day, she was wrong, because you're not alone.
Sheldon: You're right. I have Leonard and Howard and Raj, Stuart, Penny, Leonard's mom, Bernadette, Wil Wheaton.
Amy: What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet?
Sheldon: I was going chronologically. You're right between Koothrappali's father and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Amy: But understanding how other people are feeling, that's a weak spot for you.
Sheldon: I have gotten much better at that.
Amy: Have you? How am I feeling right now?
Sheldon: What the - How should I know? Excited? Itchy? Give me the first letter.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Amy: You and I are in a relationship. I help you with your shortcomings, and you help me with mine.
Sheldon: How would you feel if I contacted your mother behind your back?
Amy: Delighted that you showed any interest in my family at all?
Sheldon: "Delighted"? What - Not if I guessed for a hundred years.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Sheldon: Well, this is highly insulting.
Amy: Sheldon, don't overreact.
Sheldon: I'm the child she was worried about? I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock ... if I spotted them the potato.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Amy: So, while we're at your mother's house, it might be a good time to tell her that we're living together.
Sheldon: Do we have to? I really don't want to hear the religious lecture.
Amy: Maybe there won't be one.
Sheldon: There's always one. She gave it to my sister about her boyfriend, my brother about his girlfriend, my father about his girlfriend. That one had some un-Christian words in it.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Mary Cooper: Well, thank you for letting me know, and I, for one, am thrilled.
Sheldon: What? What Where's the judgment? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell, and I say "Have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We're already there!"

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Leonard: I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents. That was a big milestone for me.
Sheldon: Oh, speaking of personal growth, I recently tried eating Swiss chard. You know, I didn't swallow it, but Amy said it counted.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Amy: Well, that was quite a day.
Sheldon: It was. Bernadette had her baby, I made it to Wizarding World, and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration. (Pointing his wand) Hankius pankius.
Amy: I was afraid you'd be too tired.
Sheldon: Amy, I just saw a magic train and reported somebody for cutting the line. If that's not foreplay, I don't know what is.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Raj: For God's sake, just drive in the knife, why don't you!
Stuart: What's your problem?
Raj: Well, you're all thinking that I'm the only one who hasn't done anything worthwhile.
Sheldon: I was not thinking it. Although, now that you point it out, it is undeniable.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Stuart: Raj, if it's any consolation, I'm no better off than I was ten years ago.
Raj: Oh, yay! I have a doctorate in astrophysics and I'm every bit as awesome as the pasty-faced owner of a comic book store!
Sheldon: Raj! Show some compassion. Those are things that we think but don't say.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Sheldon: Five minutes? We must be doing it wrong. It took us hours.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Amy: I think I might have a little surprise that might help get things back on track.
Sheldon: Intriguing. Is "back on track" a hint that it has something to do with trains?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Because if it did have to do with trains, and you were gonna give-
Amy: It's not about trains!
Sheldon: Oh. Not even a cozy sleeper car on the Orient Express?
Amy: Stop talking about trains!
Sheldon: Who's killing the mood now?

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Amy: I got a Gryffindor robe for you.
Sheldon: (exhales) Oh A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff? How scandalous.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 2,462Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Submit Quotes