Wil Wheaton: Did you ever consider that maybe Arthur would be happy to know that his show has outlived him?
Sheldon: I doubt it. He was kind of a mean old crank.

Sheldon: I'm not saying you don't have attractive qualities. Your choice of friends is impeccable, you're a good sleeper, and last but not least, you buy the grapes I like. You're a real catch compared to some snoring guy with a fridge full of lousy grapes.

Raj: What are you drawing over there?
Sheldon: It's a hypothetical containment field for a Frisbee-sized wormhole that could serve as a portal to a parallel universe.
Howard: Oh, you silly doodlebug.
Leonard: You know, a lot of scientists believe that making contact with other life-forms would probably not end well for us.
Sheldon: It's a Frisbee-sized wormhole, Leonard. You can block it with a Frisbee. Calm down.

Leonard: What is going on?
Sheldon: Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level. So I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turns out I love her.

Penny: What exactly do you think goes on here?
Sheldon: Well, conversations that you wouldn't be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex. You know, who has the best cervix. Which sanitary napkin is all the rage right now. Men's buttocks and how you want to pat and squeeze them.

Sheldon: Did you know that Los Angeles has a little Sri Lanka?
Leonard: I did not.
Sheldon: Well, I do now. They're a lovely people, although terrifying when you wake up face to face with them.

Sheldon: You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you, like a murder or spontaneous coitus with Leonard.

Sheldon: I'm not going to work today. And would you like to know why?
Leonard: You're upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn't make a break through, and now you're worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you're gonna sit around and sulk all day.
Sheldon: Like a big old baby.

Penny: Okay, so Kim, the night manager, went on maternity leave, and her husband's name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim.
Leonard: Wow!
Penny: I know. What are the odds?
Sheldon: Easily calculable. We begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work: the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at-
Leonard: Sheldon! It's an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Ooh, Penny, it's as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.

Leonard: No, her bed kind of ... broke.
Sheldon: That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition
of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.
Penny: A homunculus?
Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.

Leonard: You cannot possibly be that arrogant.
Sheldon: You continue to underestimate me, my good man.

Penny: So you and Leonard-
Sheldon: Oh dear God.
Penny: Little misunderstanding, huh?
Sheldon: A little misunder- Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding.

Bernadette: So your evil plan here is to buy your girlfriend a present?
Sheldon: That's right. So stay on my good side, or maybe I'll get you a little something, too.

Sheldon: It's not the same thing. I don't think you know how I feel at all.
Leonard: Sad?
Sheldon: Hmm, you do get me.

Amy: Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
Sheldon: If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?