Sheldon: You know, in the future, when we're disembodied brains in jars, we're going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted.
Raj: I don't want to be in a jar. I want my brain in an android body. Eight feet tall and ripped.
Howard: I'm with you. I just have to make sure if I'm a synthetic human I'd still be Jewish. I promised my mother.
Raj: I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised. But that's something your Rabbi would have to discuss with the manufacturers.
Sheldon: Not to mention you'd have to power down on Saturdays.

Sheldon: Can you believe they said I was just like Edison? Yeah, and in front of a lady, no less.

Leonard: Okay, if I may drill down to the bedrock of my question, why did you throw it out?
Sheldon: Because I have no interest in standing in the Rose Room of the Pasadena Marriott in front of a group of judgmental strangers, who wouldn't recognize true genius if it were standing in front of them giving a speech. Which, if I were there, it would be.

Sheldon: And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss, so he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out.

Amy: Item 28 - Your Pet Name for me. Time is running out on this. You need to make a decision.
Sheldon: I submitted you a notarized list.
Amy: I'm sorry but "Gollum" and "Flakey" are not acceptable.
Sheldon: Well, you don't like Princess Corncob, you don't like Fester, you're just impossible to please.

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.
Sheldon: No we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying. Everything else is optional.

Howard: Since when do you read social science?
Sheldon: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.

Emily: I'm a resident at Huntington Hospital.
Sheldon: Oh, I like their emergency room. You know, even if it turns out you don't have Dengue Fever, they still let you take a lollipop.

Sheldon: I don't think that will be necessary for Mr. James Earl Jones. You heard me. The voice of Darth Vader, The Lion King's dad and, FYI, the guy who says "This is CNN" - who also sounds like Darth Vader.

Leonard: Look, even your friend Wil Wheaton thinks this is a waste of time.
Sheldon: Not true. Wil thinks this is a great idea. He was just concerned he wasn't a big enough celebrity to headline such an event. Also it's the same day he shampoos his beard.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon Lee Cooper, you get back in this room right now. And bring a mop!
Sheldon: Did you hear that? A mop! I've got two PHDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.

Sheldon: When I decided I was going to be a physicist, I didn't take some other job in case it didn't work. Which wasn't easy, because there was a lot of pressure from Ms. Pearson to be chalk monitor that year.

Amy: This is nice that we all get to eat together.
The guys: Oh yeah, absolutely.
Amy: Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs we don't have to.

Raj: Okay. How about a little Miley Cyrus next?
Sheldon: Who's he?

Ira Flatow: This is Science Friday, I'm Ira Flatow. My guest today is responsible for the discovery of the first stable super-heavy element.
Sheldon: Thank you. The university made me come here, I didn't want to. Big fan of the show.