Sheldon: Given our new found intimacy, I'd say we have some hard choices to make.
Penny: Like what?
Sheldon: Gary Con. Do we fly or drive? Do we wear costumes? And if so, who gets to be Gary?

Leonard: All right, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
Sheldon: If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie that's been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.

Sheldon: We might as well stop. It's a stalemate. You're beating me at tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.

Sheldon: Okay, I'll use real people. Um, if a certain dog-like loyalty is useful, then it's Leonard, hmm? If, uh, having a PEZ dispenser filled with TUMS is an advantage, Wolowitz, yeah. If a best man with fake testicles hanging from his truck is important, well, then, my brother's back in the running.

Sheldon: I'm gonna need some help. Someone baby-proofed the front door.

Howard: I haven't seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error.
Sheldon: Oh, Oh, Lord, that multiplication error! He thought he carried the one. But he didn't.
Leonard: It's not funny. That mistake got published.
Sheldon: Stop! I'm going to wet myself!

Howard: He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
Sheldon: Oh, preposterous. I have been solely responsible for this university's six loop quantum gravity calculations, I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einsten condensates, and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine. Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.

Howard: Sheldon, I know Stephen Hawking. I worked with him.
Sheldon: And if they ever come out with a game called Words with People You Once Worked With, you'll be off to the races.

Howard: You don't even have a license.
Sheldon: Actually, I do.
Howard: Really? Since when?
Sheldon: Three years ago. I went on a bit of a license kick. I'm also a commercial fisherman.

Sheldon: Are you saying I'm standing on an unpermitted deck?
Howard: It's been here for years, Sheldon. It's fine.
Sheldon: How did the inspector not flag this when he came to check out your bathroom renovation?
Howard: Uh...
Sheldon: Are you telling me that I have showered in an uninspected bathroom?
Bernadette: You showered in our house?
Sheldon: You made me hold your children. What did you expect me to do?

Sheldon: Play. Play. Play. Play. Play.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Trying to use a Jedi mind trick to control Stephen Hawking. Play. Play. Ugh! He must be wearing a tinfoil hat or something.

Leonard: You know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm already there.

Shopper: Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
Sheldon: I know everything about this stuff.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.