Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 131 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Empathy Optimization

Sheldon: Penny, rub Vicks on my chest.
Penny: Sheldon, I cooked you breakfast. I made your bed. I checked your mouth for thrush. You can rub your own chest.
Sheldon: Oh, sure, grope every other male on the planet, but draw the line with me.

Quote from the episode The Empathy Optimization

Leonard: That's fine, 'cause actually you're not invited.
Sheldon: Well, now well, that's hurtful.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, you don't even like it there.
Sheldon: I can consider a place America's urinal cake and still enjoy the occasional visit.

Quote from the episode The Empathy Optimization

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Quote from the episode The Meemaw Materialization

Sheldon: Ooh, hey, oh, ask her to do the tissue thing. Do it, ask her.
Amy: Can I have a tissue?
Meemaw: Of course. (Meemaw pulls a tissue out of her sleeve)
Sheldon: Isn't that the best?! She's like Grandma Spider-Man.
Meemaw: He's been saying that since he was little. I still don't know what it means.

Quote from the episode The Meemaw Materialization

Sheldon: Oh, well, you two sit down and get to know each other. I'll get your room ready.
Meemaw: Oh, now don't you go looking through my suitcase for presents.
Sheldon: If I did, would I find any?
Meemaw: Maybe. But you also might find my brassieres and bloomers.
Sheldon: That's a risk I'm willing to take!

Quote from the episode The Meemaw Materialization

Penny: What happened? Is Amy gone?
Sheldon: No. They asked me to leave so they could speak privately.
Penny: Uh oh.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. It was quite tense. So here's the million dollar question. Uh, who wants to pop over there and get my trains?

Quote from the episode The Valentino Submergence

Amy: Consider tonight's episode a Valentine's Day gift for you, our viewers.
Sheldon: It's also my gift to you. That was clear, right? 'Cause you're not getting anything else.

Quote from the episode The Positive Negative Reaction

Howard: Look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money. He can have all the kids he wants.
Sheldon: And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: Well, my favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers, and if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't need my dessert yelling at me.

Quote from the episode The Big Bear Precipitation

Sheldon: It's nice to get back to nature. Why don't I do this more often? What a beautiful forest. Hello, little butterfly. What's your na -- Oh!
Leonard: What'cha doing?
Sheldon: I was enjoying some virtual reality, until you ruined it with your actual face.

Quote from the episode The Big Bear Precipitation

Sheldon: Well, make your jokes, but some of the participants who spent four days in the woods away from all technology reported a fifty percent gain in reasoning skills upon their return.
Penny: Okay, if that's true, why aren't there more genius squirrels?
Sheldon: (Hands Penny the virtual reality headset) You may need this more than I do.

Quote from the episode The Big Bear Precipitation

Leonard: Okay, I'll go. Never have I ever been arrested.
Sheldon: So I drink.
Amy: No, it's only if you've done it.
Sheldon: Got it.
Amy: I can't believe you've been arrested.
Sheldon: I can't believe Penny hasn't.

Quote from the episode The Viewing Party Combustion

Sheldon: Of course, this will require a vote. Unfortunately, my official gavel is in my bedroom, but luckily I have my travel gavel.

Quote from the episode The Line Substitution Solution

Sheldon: Now, let's follow in that brave woman's footsteps, and stand up for ourselves. And, and I realize that she stood up by remaining seated, but now is not the time to enjoy the irony of that. Now, I ask you again. Who here takes issue with this person?
Woman: Why should we listen to you? You cut the line yourself.
Sheldon: I most certainly did not.
Woman: I saw you.
Guy: If you're feeling dizzy, it's because the tables have turned.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I paid someone to wait in line for me, and then when I arrived, he left, so what you saw, my good woman, was swapsies, not cutsies.

Quote from the episode The Loobenfeld Decay

Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.
Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?
Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know.
Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.

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