Penny: Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it.
Sheldon: Huh.
Penny: Well, how do you feel?
Sheldon: I don't understand the question.
Penny: Well I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend.
Sheldon: Oh. I hadn't thought about it like that. I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil.
Penny: Wait, what?
Sheldon: I couldn't poop this morning.

Leonard: You could be Batman?
Sheldon: Yeah. I'm Batman. See?

Sheldon: Uh oh, hypothetical aftershock. (Sheldon grabs Leonard and pushes him over) And that's why we wear hard-hats.

Sheldon: Perhaps I'll spend some time devising a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anybody at any time. Unless they're German, because that's a tough crowd.

Leonard: So you never went outside?
Sheldon: Or had a single piece of fruit.

Raj: You suck, Wolowitz!
Sheldon: He makes a valid point!

Sheldon: Oh, and lastly, please initial here to confirm that ownership of the living room couch is hereby transferred to me in perpetuity all throughout the universe and all alternate universes except for those universes where owning a couch is forbidden by the hive queen. In which case, all glory to the hive queen.

Sheldon: All this could be avoided if you'd just come to the meeting.
Leonard: I don't want to.
Sheldon: Oh, it's just a meeting. One simple meeting.
Leonard: Stop saying meeting.
Sheldon: Meeting, meeting, bow-beeting, banana-fana, fo-feeting, fee-fi mo-meeting.
Amy: I brought my famous spinach dip.
Sheldon: Yeah, Amy, just one second. Meeting.

Amy: Where are we going with this Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: Oh please, I'm your boyfriend. Call me Sheldon.

Sheldon: What are you doing in my room? Stop it, that's mine! Why are you so strong?!

Sheldon: How wonderful, dinner with some assembly required.

Sheldon: Die, Wil Wheaton, die!

Sheldon: Hello Leonard, do you like my bongos?

Sheldon: Have you got Leonard a welcome home gift?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you want to go halfsies on a $200 squirt gun?

Sheldon: This (Sailor's Hat) changes nothing. Except the Halloween costume I'm wearing this year. Amy, you're going to be Olive Oyl. Lay off the donuts.