Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 151 of 188

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Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that is what I meant.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Penny: Well, where is he?
Amy: Sheldon?
Leonard: I'll check his room.
Sheldon: Surprise!
Penny: Oh, my God!
Sheldon: Just one example of how birthdays can be terrible. Now, can we please drop this subject and pick a new one? Yeah, I suggest "how thick can a soup get before it becomes a stew?" You know, the answer, it may surprise you.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Amy: Can you please just tell me why?
Sheldon: Fine. As you know, I have a twin sister with whom I obviously share a birthday. Every year we'd have a party. No one I invited would ever come, because they didn't like me.
Amy: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Oh, that part wasn't so bad. I didn't like them, either. But then I'd inevitably spend the whole day being tortured by my sister's friends.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing.
Sheldon: When I was six, they told me Batman was coming to my party. I waited by the door for hours. Closest thing to Batman I saw was when a robin flew into the window.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Amy: Are you all right?
Sheldon: No, I just I got a little light-headed.
Amy: Oh, d-do you need a minute?
Sheldon: No. No, if I can walk past that pet shop with the parrot in the window, I suppose I can do this.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Raj: And it was Gandhi who said, "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. œLearn as if you were to live forever."
Sheldon: And it was Sheldon Cooper who said "Let's speed this up. A lot of people want to talk."

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Sheldon: Yeah, well, you're an engineer. End of joke, burn.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Patent Attorney: So, I've reviewed your paperwork, and it seems like we've got everything we need to file a patent for your infinite persistence gyroscope.
Sheldon: That's great!
Howard: Excellent.
Leonard: So what happens next?
Patent Attorney: Well, the legal team needs to review existing patents to avoid overlap.
Howard: Oh, I don't think there will be.
Leonard: Yes, we did our own search.
Patent Attorney: That's nice, but I think ours might be a bit more thorough.
Sheldon: (chuckling) Get a load of this guy.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Patent Attorney: Just need you to review and sign this document acknowledging that you understand the university will own 75% of the patent.
Howard: 75%?
Sheldon: That's outrageous. This is our idea based on our research. How can you possibly justify owning a majority share?
Patent Attorney: It's university policy.
Sheldon: Well, I know when I'm beat.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Patent Attorney: And as far as Mr. Wolowitz is concerned, I'm afraid as a federal employee on loan from NASA, your name can be on the patent, but you're not entitled to an ownership share.
Howard: Wait, so this can turn out to be a financial success, and I get nothing?
Patent Attorney: Well, sometimes they give you a plaque.
Sheldon: Well, that's not fair. We should all get plaques.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Leonard: Sorry, but we can't sign this.
Howard: Come on, let's go.
Leonard: Thank you for your time.
Sheldon: You know, couple of questions about the plaque- (Leonard pulls Sheldon out of the room)

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Leonard: Well, what if we go around the university and just get the patent ourselves?
Howard: We can't. It says on their web site, as long as we work there, they have a controlling ownership of anything we come up with.
Sheldon: Great, so they own my idea for a T-shirt that says "Dumb as a Bag of Geologists."

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Leonard: Well, our choices are we do this with the university or we don't do it at all.
Howard: Either way, I get nothing.
Leonard: Or, if we ended up making money from this, Sheldon and I could split our shares with you.
Sheldon: To be clear, Leonard is referring to the gyroscope, not the T-shirt and mugs.
Oh, now they own the mugs!

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Howard: You guys would be cool doing it like that?
Leonard: Of course, we can split any profits three ways.
Sheldon: I'm fine with that.
Howard: Okay, great.
Sheldon: It sounds like a, uh, contract might be in order.
Leonard: Sure, we could write something up.
Sheldon: But which one of us should be the party who-
Howard: You can do it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: (excitedly) So stipulated!
Leonard: Once I found a stash of contracts under his bed. It was weird.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Howard: This contract looks good to me.
Sheldon: I'll say it looks good. It's in my proprietary font, Shelvetica.
Leonard: I want to say something obnoxious, but it is easy on the eyes.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Bernadette: So, you're just gonna sign this without having a lawyer look at it?
Sheldon: Excuse me. I've been drafting contracts since kindergarten. Didn't need a lawyer to get me out of finger painting. Don't need one now.

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