Amy: If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?
Sheldon: Oh, actually, I would.
Amy: Great, what'd you have in mind?
Sheldon: Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.

Amy: Well, how about we start a little smaller? Like moving the furniture around.
Sheldon: You know, I have always thought that this couch would look fantastic on the curb in front of the building.

Sheldon: Although, Amy and I did just move in together, and a plant is a lovely housewarming gift.
Leonard: Fine, take the plant.
Sheldon: Oh, we got a sword and a plant. Our apartment's really shaping up.

Sheldon: Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.
Leonard: Well, I'd like that, too.
Sheldon: In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag, and I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.
Leonard: You promise?
Sheldon: I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.

Penny: Sheldon, what took you so long?
Sheldon: Wolowitz might hand out cigars. I had to find my bubble gum cigar so I could join in without looking foolish.

Leonard: Babe, they want to have sex.
Pennny: Oh, of course! The annual birthday booty spectacular!
Sheldon: That's a bit childish, isn't it?
Penny: I'm sorry, and what flavor is your bubble gum cigar?
Sheldon: Grape. I find it the most mild.

Amy: I think I might have a little surprise that might help get things back on track.
Sheldon: Intriguing. Is "back on track" a hint that it has something to do with trains?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Because if it did have to do with trains, and you were gonna give-
Amy: It's not about trains!
Sheldon: Oh. Not even a cozy sleeper car on the Orient Express?
Amy: Stop talking about trains!
Sheldon: Who's killing the mood now?

Raj: For God's sake, just drive in the knife, why don't you!
Stuart: What's your problem?
Raj: Well, you're all thinking that I'm the only one who hasn't done anything worthwhile.
Sheldon: I was not thinking it. Although, now that you point it out, it is undeniable.

Stuart: Raj, if it's any consolation, I'm no better off than I was ten years ago.
Raj: Oh, yay! I have a doctorate in astrophysics and I'm every bit as awesome as the pasty-faced owner of a comic book store!
Sheldon: Raj! Show some compassion. Those are things that we think but don't say.

Amy: Well, that was quite a day.
Sheldon: It was. Bernadette had her baby, I made it to Wizarding World, and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration. (Pointing his wand) Hankius pankius.
Amy: I was afraid you'd be too tired.
Sheldon: Amy, I just saw a magic train and reported somebody for cutting the line. If that's not foreplay, I don't know what is.

Mary Cooper: Well, thank you for letting me know, and I, for one, am thrilled.
Sheldon: What? What Where's the judgment? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell, and I say "Have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We're already there!"

Amy: You know, I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad. But, you know, at the end of the day, she was wrong, because you're not alone.
Sheldon: You're right. I have Leonard and Howard and Raj, Stuart, Penny, Leonard's mom, Bernadette, Wil Wheaton.
Amy: What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet?
Sheldon: I was going chronologically. You're right between Koothrappali's father and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.

Sheldon: So, tell me, do you have any plans for the weekend?
Leonard: Are you gonna laugh at the answer?
Sheldon: Only if the answer is "shopping for baby shoes."

Sheldon: You're sad, so I made you tea.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: And it's just the way you like it.
Leonard: Earl Grey?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Honey?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Unsweetened almond-
Sheldon: Good Lord! I made you tea. Just drink it!

Leonard: I don't want to play a game, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Wow, and I remember when you loved playing games with me. Maybe Penny isn't the only relationship you're phoning in.