Howard: All right, this is everything. What do you want to learn?
Sheldon: It really doesn't matter, as long as it's challenging.
Howard: Okay, well, how about, oh, I teach you some close-up magic.
Sheldon: Howard, I'm trying to make myself uncomfortable, not everyone else.

Sheldon: Amy, look, I'm on a unicycle!
Amy: How did you get from croissants to a unicycle?
Sheldon: I hurt myself juggling.

Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that when things get really difficult, you just give up?
Sheldon: Are you calling me a quitter?
Amy: Well, if you honestly-
Sheldon: This conversation is over.

Amy: I made you tea.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: I'm sorry I called you a quitter.
Sheldon: It's okay, I stopped being upset about that. And no, the irony is not lost on me.

Howard: How can you work on something for a year and they just take it?
Leonard: I can't believe the Air Force would treat us like that.
Sheldon: You know, I have a good mind to stop paying my taxes. It's too bad I enjoy doing them so much.

Sheldon: You're so kind. You know, I don't know how I ever got by without you.
Amy: Oh. That's sweet, but you you did just fine on your own.
Sheldon: Well, I thought that, too, but I've come to realize, I am completely dependent on you.
Amy: Sheldon, you're, you're being silly.
Sheldon: No, to wake up every morning and know you're there is a great comfort to me. (Eats oatmeal) Mmm, tasteless. How do you do it?

Leonard: Sheldon, you're being silly.
Sheldon: Am I? Yesterday I had an Air Force project, a girlfriend who lived with me, and my good friend Raj right across the hall.
Leonard: Do you really care about that last one?
Sheldon: No, but that list was sounding a little thin.

Sheldon: I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk. Would you like to know the state bird or the murder rate? They're both shocking.
Amy: Actually, I want to hear about you. How are things at home?
Sheldon: Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be murdered, I'll tell you that.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki. She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.
Leonard: Hello.
Ramona Nowitzki: Hello.
Raj: Hi. Oh, let me bring a chair for you.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks. Dr. Nowitzki's going to tell me about the work she did at CERN. And she brought me this duty-free Toblerone.
Leonard: Oh. I love those.
Sheldon: (To Ramona) Let's sit somewhere else.

Leonard: You actually got in a pool?
Sheldon: I was scared, but I told myself it's just a big bathtub. Then I got scared again 'cause there are all these strangers in my bathtub.

Ramona Nowitzki: I was proud of him. A lot of people don't put their face in the water on the first day.
Sheldon: Well, I was hiding from a bee, but it still counts.

Ramona Nowitzki: Are these all from Peter Higgs?
Sheldon: Hmm? Oh, no, no, no. They're from many famous people. See? Oh, like this one. This is from Patrick Stewart. It says if I come to his house again, I get to meet his dogs.

Sheldon: Hey, I hate to break up the party, but Amy says I'm tired and have to go to bed.

Ramona Nowitzki: Hey, did you eat yet?
Sheldon: Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no. I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.

Leonard: You want to hear something weird?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird.
Leonard: Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her.
Sheldon: Oh. I thought it was a game.