Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 3 of 176

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Quote from the episode The Maternal Congruence

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Quote from the episode The Bozeman Reaction

*Sheldon is using a map of the U.S. to find out where he can move*
Sheldon: Penny, you're from Nebraska, right?
Penny: Born and raised.
*Sheldon crosses out Nebraska*

Quote from the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Amy: Sheldon, I know your present is for us to be intimate tonight.
Sheldon: I see. Is that all right?
(Amy kisses Sheldon)
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but this is a litigious society. I'm going to need verbal consent.
Amy: Yes!

Quote from the episode The Junior Professor Solution

Sheldon: The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn't be attacked.

Quote from the episode The Bad Fish Paradigm

Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. Sssh!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'm Batman! Ssssh!

Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination

Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.

Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification

Howard: You gotta like this: the girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty? (All but Leonard laugh)
Leonard: Kill me.
Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Quote from the episode The Lunar Excitation

Leonard: Relax, it's just a dirty sock.
Sheldon: How on earth can you say "dirty sock" and "relax" in the same sentence?

Quote from the episode The Discovery Dissipation

Wil Wheaton: Sheldon, I was actually talking about when I was a kid on Star Trek.
Sheldon: How could you not like getting attention for playing Wesley Crusher? You were wonderful. A know-it all boy genius with an eidetic memory. Who couldn't relate to that?

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Sheldon: Let's see. What do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature. Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. And I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.

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