Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 36 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption

Penny: What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well geology is the Kardashians of science.

Quote from the episode The Septum Deviation

Sheldon: I ordered it before you had surgery. It's the urn I was going to put you in.
Penny: Okay, that's morbid. Send it back.
Sheldon: I can't send it back. I had it engraved. "Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter. He thought he was right, but his roommate knew better."

Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum

Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Sheldon: Penny, if I'm going to get Leonard a gift, I'm going to do it right. I refuse to let him experience the same childhood trauma I did.
Penny: I know I'm gonna regret this, but what trauma?
Sheldon: On my 12th birthday, I really wanted a titanium centrifuge so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes.
Penny: Of course, yeah.
Sheldon: Instead of a titanium centrifuge, my parents bought me-- Wow, this is hard. They got me a motorized dirt bike.
Penny: No!
Sheldon: What 12-year-old boy wants a motorized dirt bike?
Penny: All of them.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14 and had already achieved more than you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics. It's more likely that you will spend your careers teaching fifth graders how to make paper-mache volcanoes with baking-soda lava.
Leonard: Oh, good God.
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make any significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out. Come, Leonard.
Leonard: Laser demonstration's looking pretty good now, huh?

Quote from the episode The Cooper Extraction

Amy: I missed you.
Sheldon: To quote Han Solo, "I know."
Amy: Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you there with me.
Amy: Aww.
Sheldon: Or instead of me.

Quote from the episode The Precious Fragmentation

Penny: That is so sad.
Sheldon: No, what's sad is that you don't know Adam West is TV's Batman.

Quote from the episode The Bozeman Reaction

Sheldon: It's all right, they didn't take my comic books.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Leonard: I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.
Penny: Holy smokes.
Sheldon: If by "holy smokes", you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit brokenhearted"?

Quote from the episode The Good Guy Fluctuation

Sheldon: You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
Leonard: Thanks, that actually does help.
Sheldon: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: You may wanna sit down.
Leonard: I'm in bed.
Sheldon: Point taken. You may wanna sit up.

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Sheldon: Oh, Penny. Penny.
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Bernadette: Why'd you turn it off?
Sheldon: Because in the last ten minutes, Santa came to town, kissed mommy, and ran grandma over with a reindeer. I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him.

Quote from the episode The Terminator Decoupling

Sheldon: No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Penny: Mmm, what smells so good?
Sheldon: That is the intoxicating aroma of Kadhai Paneer. A perfect culinary representation of the freedom this evening holds. Not only is it Indian cuisine, which Koothrappali loathes, it contains a generous helping of peanuts, which would reduce Wolowitz to a wheezing 97-pound blister. And finally, its main ingredient is paneer, a farmer's cheese that would cause Leonard to render any room uninhabitable within minutes.

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