Amy: You got me something?
Sheldon: Oh. Not just something. It's from the heart, it's holiday-themed, and I swallowed the gift receipt so you can not return it.

Leonard: Oh, geez, does this suit really look that bad?
Sheldon: Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.

Sheldon: Geology isn't a real science!

Sheldon: I was expecting applause but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate.

Sheldon: My friend Leonard said if I bothered you while you were eating, you'd think I was a creepy stalker.
James Earl Jones: Well, your friend Leonard sounds like a real weeny.
Sheldon: He is, Mr. Earl Jones. He is!

Sheldon: Leonard, I platonically love you, man, but face it, you're a mess.

Sheldon: Captain Hook's hand was eaten by a crocodile, not an alligator. If you're going to insult me at least get your facts straight.

Leonard: You're going march yourself over there right now and apologize.
Sheldon: Pfffft.
Leonard: What's funny?
Sheldon: That wasn't sarcasm?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Oh. Boy, you are all over the place this morning.

Sheldon: Do you even think about other people, Leonard?

Sheldon: She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.
Penny: Wow. That's like the worst country song ever.

Sheldon: I drank milk that tasted funny.

Sheldon: The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one.

Toby: Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Toby: The Phillipines: 1992: The Subic Bay Naval Station: A young boy on the cusp of manhood. His only companions, mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitoes. Desperate and alone, he reached out to a man who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God. But instead introduced him to a gin-pickled tongue shoved down his adolescent throat. What choice did he have but to drink, shoot, and snort his pain away?
Sheldon: Don't forget genetic predisposition towards addiction.
Toby: That's never been proven.
Sheldon: There have been studies.
Toby: Not double-blind studies!
Sheldon: How could there be double-blind study? Who would be the control group?

Sheldon: Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and swiss on whole wheat.
Raj: What did they give you?
Sheldon: Turkey and Roast beef with swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
*The guys look at Sheldon*
Sheldon: It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order. In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.

Sheldon: Worst Renaissance Fair ever!
Leonard: Please let it go, Sheldon.
Sheldon: It was rife with historical inaccuracies, for example, the tavern girl, serving flagons of mead, now her costume was obviously Germanic, but in 1487, the Bavarian purity laws, or Reinheitgebot, severely limited the availability of mead. At best, they would've had some spiced wine.
Leonard: You're nitpicking!
Sheldon: Oh, really? Well, here's another nit for you, the flagons would not have been made of polypropylene.