Sheldon: Come on, take me to work with you.
Leonard: No, you're on vacation.
Sheldon: Please! What if there's a big break through in science today and I'm not there to see it?
Leonard: You really think there's going to be a breakthrough without you to do it?
Sheldon: No. I was just tricking you.

Sheldon: And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?

Amy: Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: I have real problems here, Amy. I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children. *Takes a sip* Mmm, yummy.

Raj: You call yourself a friend? I was trying to help you. And at the first sign of trouble you ran away, leaving me to fend off a family of rats! You're a completely selfish human being and a physical & moral coward.
Sheldon: His statements of the obvious continue to annoy.

Sheldon: Delivery men are the unsung heroes of our nation's commerce. It's because of people like you that people like me can limit our human contact. I'd shake your hand but, well, you know.

Sheldon: Leonard, I was wrong. Heaven does exist. And it's in the basement of a urologist's house in Sherman Oaks.

Sheldon: Sorry, kid, you got it worse than a gibbon.

Leonard: I thought you were gonna pretend to be an alien.
Sheldon: I was, but Penny didn't want to. You didn't want to. Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali and Wolowitz didn't want to. And even I knew it was weird to hire somebody.

Sheldon: You know what you could make us do? Ice skating. The cold air will trigger Leonard's asthma, and it plays into my well known fear of getting flattened by a zamboni.

Leonard: Interesting. We're being accused of making you do things you don't like, and here you are doing the same thing to poor Amy.
Sheldon: You should point out the hypocrisy of that.
Leonard: That's what I was doing.
Sheldon: Oh, that was wasn't clear. Do it again but this time drive it home with, "how do you like them apples, missy?"

Amy: What do you say? It sounds kinda perfect.
Penny: It does, but somehow he managed to take all the fun out of it.
Sheldon: Once again, it's what I do.

Sheldon: I don't know why you're so surprised. If there's one thing I know after living with you all these years, it's how to compromise.

Leonard: That is not a compromise. A compromise is me driving you everywhere because you refuse to learn how.
Sheldon: Oh, I learned how. Amy taught me.
Leonard: What?! Then why don't you do it?
Sheldon: Well, it's scary, and sometimes I get the pedals mixed up. But more importantly, driving me to work is one of the things that gives your life purpose. I can't take that away from you, so what do I do? Come on, I'm practically feeding you the answer. I compromise.

Penny: Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?
Sheldon: I'm not going. Would you like to know why?
Penny: You're sad about not getting any thing done last night, so you're gonna sit around and pout about it.
Sheldon: Boy, I'm not nearly as mysterious as I think I am.

Sheldon: I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze, it gets a food pellet.
Amy: It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers.
Sheldon: And its last meal was a food pellet? You're a monster.