Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 78 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Sheldon: Oh, a scroll. I like scrolls. They're my third favourite system of transmitting the written word, after stone tablets and sky-writing.
You have all been summoned to join a thrilling Dungeons and Dragons adventure. Your quest begins in a secret northern village of elves who have all been massacred. I like where this is heading. Your task is to rescue their leader from a dungeon of ogres. Oh, that's a saucy twist. That leader's name: Santa Claus.
No, no, no!
Leonard: Its actually ho, ho, ho, but you'll get the hang of it.

Quote from the episode The Positive Negative Reaction

Penny: So, you gonna get up there later?
Sheldon: A microphone, a room full of inaccurate depictions of Polynesian religion, and a captive audience to hear about it? You bet I am.

Quote from the episode The Bon Voyage Reaction

Sheldon: It did not kill me when you went to space. Monkeys went to space.

Quote from the episode The Contractual Obligation Implementation

Amy: Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one small kiss to wake up.
Sheldon: Heard you the first time.

Quote from the episode The Champagne Reflection

Amy: After only 232 episodes.
Sheldon: 233 if we include the one somebody forgot to press record on.
Amy: You said you weren't going to bring that up.
Sheldon: And you said you pressed record.

Quote from the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Amy: So, what'd you have in mind for tonight?
Sheldon: I thought I could take you out to a nice birthday dinner. If we pick a place
east of here, we might find the balloon.

Quote from the episode The Troll Manifestation

Leonard: Is your tongue blue?
Sheldon: I don't want to talk about it.

Quote from the episode The Proton Displacement

Sheldon: And to think I idolized that man. And why? At the end of the day, he's just another Hollywood phoney.
Amy: Is it really worth getting upset about?
Sheldon: They say don't meet your heroes. Don't peek behind that curtain of fame and celebrity. Because if you do, you'll see them as they really are: degenerate carnival folk.

Quote from the episode The Convention Conundrum

James Earl Jones: Ah, Sheldon. This is the perfect end to a perfect night.
Sheldon: Okay. But I think it could have ended at the karaoke.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Sheldon: I didn't want to come in. I was told it would make everyone uncomfortable. So I'll just stay out here and pretend I don't need to go to the bathroom.

Quote from the episode The Recollection Dissipation

Sheldon: My pants are missing, I don't remember anything. Penny, this is your youth. What do I do?

Quote from the episode The Expedition Approximation

Raj: So I did a little research on what the conditions are like in the mines, and the guys might be right. It sounds pretty rough down there. For starters, it's very humid and about a hundred degrees.
Sheldon: I'm from Texas and you're from India. We're no strangers to the fragrant arm pit. Next.
Raj: It's also a live mine, so there'll be dynamite explosions going off in the distance.
Sheldon: I have a lactose-intolerant roommate with a taste for ice cream. Next.
Raj: You have to be down there for twelve hours at a time.
Sheldon: Have to be somewhere.
Raj: There's no toilet, so we'll have to do our business in a bucket.
Sheldon: So it's settled? We're not doing it.

Quote from the episode The Dumpling Paradox

Sheldon: Yeah, I apologize for my earlier outburst! Who needs Halo when we can be regaled delightfully with the folksy tale of the "whore of Omaha"?

Quote from the episode The Alien Parasite Hypothesis

Sheldon: Yes, this is doctor Sheldon Cooper. Is this the Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny? Sorry to bother you. (to different person) Hello I'm looking for a Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny. Coitus. It means intercourse and I have a feeling I'm speaking to the right Zack.

Quote from the episode The Transporter Malfunction

Sheldon: I love astro-physics. It's like looking at the universe naked.

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