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Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Stuart: You want to play a game of "who's more desperate" with me? 'Cause you're in the big leagues now, Bucko.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Raj: Oh, you were born in Trivandrum? Have you ever been to the Kuthira Malika Palace?
Ruchi: No, I haven't.
Raj: Me, either. What a small world.
Stuart: I've also never been there. I've never been lots of places. Go on, quiz me.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Raj: I'm just saying, you should bow out.
Stuart: Why should I bow out?
Raj: Uh, because we all know how this is gonna end.
Stuart: That's what my doctor said, too, but I'm still here.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Stuart: Ruchi said she wanted to hang out with both of us. Why don't we just do that?
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's hang out as friends and see what happens.
Leonard: Yeah, and if something grows out of it, just worry about it then.
Stuart: Also what my doctor said.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Stuart: I can't believe you went behind my back!
Raj: Which clearly means I want this more!
Stuart: You want to play a game of "who's more desperate" with me? 'Cause you're in the big leagues now, Bucko.

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Stuart: If you still want to hang out as friends, I'd like that.
Ruchi: Thanks, Stuart. I'd like that, too.
Stuart: And the fungus is under the toenail.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Raj. What can I help you with?
Raj: I need to buy an engagement gift.
Stuart: Oh, well, you came to the wrong place.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Stuart: Uh you know, they might like this. Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic.
Raj: Hmm. You know what? Why am I buying them a gift? They have love. Screw them and their happiness. What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone?
Stuart: Literally everything.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: They're my friends, and I should be happy for them. And I'm trying, but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut.
Stuart: I had that once. Turned out it was a tapeworm.
Raj: Cool.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Stuart: Why is that?
Raj: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Stuart: Mm. This is, this is awkward. I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: Yeah.
Raj: (clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Stuart: Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Raj: Actually, I was going to suggest me.
Howard: Great. Anybody's better than, (glancing at Stuart) mmm.
Stuart: Excuse me. They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bernadette: When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people. We don't know anything about them.
Howard: They're highly-trained educators with background checks. They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.
Stuart: You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bernadette: It's not just the sloth. Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
Stuart: (To Howard) Told you we should have gone to Legoland.

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