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Quote from the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Howard: You interested in Amy?
Stuart: Well, I mean she didn't look through me with soul-sucking ball-shriveling hatred and contempt. I like that in a woman.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought wed give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero?
Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: Okay, let's try it again. But this time, pretend the girl you want to meet doesn't want to hurt you.
Stuart: I don't think I can give you that.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: What did you put as the one word description of yourself?
Stuart: I put unobjectionable. But now I hear it out loud, it just seems like I'm being cocky.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: That's right, ladies. For all you know, I'm confident and fun to be around.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: Aw man, if I'd started this years ago I'd be divorced two or three times by now.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: In the last hour 162 people have read our profiles. How many of them have sent us messages?
Stuart: Combined?
Raj: Yes.
Stuart: Zero.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I had a rescue dog that ran back to the pound!

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Bernadette: I accidentally destroyed one of Howard's comic books this morning and I was hoping I could replace it.
Stuart: What happened?
Bernadette: Batman got his ass kicked by my curling iron.
Stuart: Don't let the Riddler know that. It's a comic book joke.
*Bernadette stares blankly*
Stuart: Or maybe it's not.

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Quote from the episode The Cooper Extraction

Stuart: Hello. Oh good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start. Although you said seven and it's seven. It's fine!

Quote from the episode The Cooper Extraction

Amy: (Talking "It's A Wonderful Life"). It's great. It's Christmas time, and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself.
Stuart: Don't need to see it, living it!

Quote from the episode The Hesitation Ramification

Bernadette: Raj, when you said you were going to bring a date to watch Penny's thing tonight, I didn't think you meant Stuart.
Howard: Really? I never for a second thought it'd be anything else.

Quote from the episode The Hesitation Ramification

Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum.
Raj: Are possums cute?
Stuart: Not at all.

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