Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 2 of 7

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Quote from the episode The Hesitation Ramification

Stuart: How about those guys on that bench over there? They look pathetic. Maybe we could talk to them.
Raj: That's a mirror.

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Stuart: I haven't seen this many people in my store since that Korean Church bus crashed through my window.

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Stuart: You know something, Jesse. You may have a successful business and the kind of pink complexion that comes with good nutrition, but I have something more important.
Jesse: What's that?
Stuart: Friendship ... which I would trade in a heartbeat for all this.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Isotope

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Penny: You really going to lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I was going to do at home?

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Stuart: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Raj: Fine, just try not to look too alive.
Stuart: That's my jam.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Stuart: I don't mean to be rude, Sheldon, but my life is kinda falling apart right now.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Sheldon: Can you break a twenty?
Stuart: No, I only have hundreds.
Sheldon: You know what. I don't always recognize sarcasm, but I do right now and I don't appreciate it. I'm sorry for your loss, but you're not the only one whose day's been a disaster.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

*As Stuart moves a box, a piece of the ceiling falls down*
Stuart: That could have killed me. ... Can't catch a break.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Howard: Don't take this the wrong way, but did you do this for the insurance money?
Stuart: No! God, you sound like the police, the fireman, my parents, my therapist and the insurance company.

Quote from the episode The Status Quo Combustion

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Stuart: So I met Jeanie at your Aunt Gladys's. She passed me the Manischewitz, I took one look at this punim, and almost plotzed on the kugel.

Quote from the episode The Holographic Excitation

Raj: Would you like me to help? I do have a certain je ne sais quois when it comes to soirees.
Stuart: Thanks, but I can't afford je ne sais quois. How much for just quois?

Quote from the episode The Excelsior Acquisition

Stuart: I will give you the address if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.
Penny: You're extorting a date out of me?
Stuart: I kinda have to. The cousin who's getting married is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Leonard: I got them on Amazon.
Stuart: Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
Leonard: I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.
Stuart: Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.

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