Penny: Hey. Who shot you?
Stuart: Oh. Uh, oh Denise, uh, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise and me when I was running from Denise.

Howard: Hey, have you checked the dates on these? They're all expired.
Stuart: You buy candy in a comic book store, you get what you get.

Sheldon: All right, this is another one of my favorite places, the comic book store. Feel free to look around.
Stuart: Vintage comics in back, vintage candy right here.

Bert: I don't get invited to a lot of parties. Is this a good one?
Stuart: Oh, yeah.

Stuart: That was beautiful.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: What are you still doing here?
Stuart: I was in the bathroom. Guacamole didn't agree with me.

Bernadette: Hey, Bert, what are you dressed as?
Bert: I'll give you a hint. My work in seismic refraction measurements and-
Bernadette: Hey, Stuart, what are you dressed as?
Stuart: I'm a butterfly.
Bernadette: Did you steal those from Halley's "let's pretend" box?
Stuart: I'm gonna put them back.

Stuart: I really like Denise, and I don't want to screw this up.
Raj: Hey, relax. Trust your instincts. That's what I do.
Stuart: And that works for you?
Raj: Actually no. I've made a mess of my life, and I'm - I'm all alone.
Stuart: [silence] Okay, I think it'd be best for both of us if I pretend to get a phone call and just walk away.
Raj: Yeah, that would be best.
Stuart: [picking up his phone] Hello, this is Stuart. (whispering) Sorry. I got to take this. (walking away) Uh, why, yes, I'd love to take a survey.

Raj: Okay, let's have a whiff. Oh. (sniffs) Hmm. Smells like Paco Rabanne.
Stuart: Ooh, you're good. I bought it at a swap meet. It's actually called "Smells Like Paco Rabanne."

Stuart: I'm excited. I haven't been on a date in a long time.
Howard: Back when I was dating, I'd always wear a new pair of underwear, just in case.
Stuart: It's also been a long time since I bought new underwear. And I probably should, because these are no longer tighty nor whitey.
Bernadette: Okay, I'm out.

Denise: Oh. Oh, my God.
Stuart: Yeah. I wanted to look my best for our date, and I made a series of bad decisions one of which is hidden by my pants.

Stuart: I was worried about the date so I got my hair colored to make me feel a little more confident, but that just made me look paler, so I-I got a spray tan.
Bernadette: Have you tried showering, seeing if you could scrub it off?
Stuart: I did. You're gonna need some new towels. And a bathmat. And a toilet seat.

Denise: Do you think when Krypto the Superdog is out flying, Superman has to fly after him with a little baggie?
Stuart: Hmm. Haven't really thought about it before. But he doesn't need a baggie, because he just blasts the poop with his heat vision.
Denise: You've thought about it before.
Stuart: Oh, I've thought about it a lot.

Georgie: Hey, uh, I got a question. Why aren't there tires on any of those Star Wars vehicles?
Mark Hamill: (chuckles) I'm sure some of them had tires.
Stuart: Actually, they don't. I mean, the HAVw A5 turbo tank has metal gripping wheels, but I wouldn't call them tires.
Denise: You are so hot.

Raj: So, yeah, Mr. Mark? When you were on the, uh, Wookiee home planet, how did you even understand what they were saying?
Mark Hamill: I don't remember ever being on a Wookiee home planet.
Stuart: Uh, actually, Luke was on the Wookiee home planet, Kashyyyk, in the Holiday Special when he helped Chewie get home to his wife.
Mark Hamill: Chewie had a wife?
Stuart: Her name's Malla.
Denise: Wow, that's impressive.
Stuart: Yeah.

Mark Hamill: We're here to celebrate the marriage of Sheldon Lee Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler. I had more prepared, but I'm just gonna skip to the rings and vows, since I've been answering your questions for 45 minutes.
Stuart: Yeah, he answered 'em.