Quotes from ‘The Holiday Summation’

The Holiday Summation

'The Holiday Summation' - Season 10, Episode 12

When the gang gets together for the first time in the New Year, they catch each other up on their holidays - including a fight over a Christmas tree, a trip to Texas, and their newborn's first few days at home.

Air Date: January 5, 2017.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: Everyone's a better mom than me.
Raj: Oh, don't take it so personally, maybe your baby's just a jerk.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy and I are living together in sin, like a couple of New Yorkers. Now, while you scold us, I'm going to get a knife and a fork. Joe may be sloppy, but Sheldon's not.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Amy: Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
Mary Cooper: (gasps) Oh, that's wonderful! Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
Sheldon: Welcome to Texas.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe? Don't you maniacs own a calendar?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I knew we should've never mentioned us living together in the first place.
Amy: She was gonna find out eventually.
Sheldon: Disagree. We've known about evolution since 1859. She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It was fine, other than the weird-tasting juice Amy gave me. I slept the whole way.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Do boys have flowers?
Leonard: Who knows what he has down there.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Oh, it's Bernadette. She says they're running late. "The baby threw up on Howard, and then Howard threw up on Howard."
Leonard: Well, he didn't throw up on the baby. That's a win.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: How can she hate me? I make her food in my chest! It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, this is highly insulting.
Amy: Sheldon, don't overreact.
Sheldon: I'm the child she was worried about? I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock ... if I spotted them the potato.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: See you guys at work.
Raj: Be there bright and early.
Howard: Not me, paternity leave.
Sheldon: Oh! A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals and he gets time off.
Howard: With pay, sucka!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You know, there's a chance she might be okay with it.
Sheldon: Eh, I don't know. I am her precious little boy. And you did take my flower.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: So, while we're at your mother's house, it might be a good time to tell her that we're living together.
Sheldon: Do we have to? I really don't want to hear the religious lecture.
Amy: Maybe there won't be one.
Sheldon: There's always one. She gave it to my sister about her boyfriend, my brother about his girlfriend, my father about his girlfriend. That one had some un-Christian words in it.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Thank you, God, for the food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
Sheldon: Given that your hands prepared it, isn't that a little self-serving?
Mary Cooper: You start changing the words to the prayers, next thing you know, you're in a church with a guitar.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary Cooper: Well, thank you for letting me know, and I, for one, am thrilled.
Sheldon: What? What Where's the judgment? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell, and I say "Have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We're already there!"

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Shelly, how do I put this? By your third birthday, you had memorized over a thousand different kinds of trains, and I never imagined a woman getting aboard any of them.
Sheldon: What, so - You thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life?
Mary Cooper: No! Just for the middle part. 'Cause at the end I assumed there'd be nurses.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Amy: He's been in there a long time. Should I go talk to him?
Mary Cooper: He's upset with me. I should be the one who talks to him. (stays seated and works on her knitting)
Amy: Are you going to?
Mary Cooper: Oh, heck no.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Amy: Sheldon, what what are you doing?
Sheldon: Just being the un-socialized eccentric my mother always thought I was.
Mary Cooper: You startin' to see why I didn't go in there?

Quote from Amy

[In Mary Cooper's living room]
Sheldon: And I don't understand why you're taking her side. By being my girlfriend, she's saying you're a weirdo, too.
Amy: I don't think that's what she's saying.
[Cut to Sheldon and Amy in the apartment kitchen, telling Leonard and Penny the story of their trip]
Sheldon: And?
Amy: That's exactly what she was saying.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Can you believe my mother thinks we're both strange?
Leonard: (loudly) Absolutely not!
Penny: (whispering) That's too loud.
Leonard: (quietly) Absolutely not.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You know, I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad. But, you know, at the end of the day, she was wrong, because you're not alone.
Sheldon: You're right. I have Leonard and Howard and Raj, Stuart, Penny, Leonard's mom, Bernadette, Wil Wheaton.
Amy: What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet?
Sheldon: I was going chronologically. You're right between Koothrappali's father and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.

Quote from Amy

Amy: This was a potential issue, so I got out ahead of it and I managed the situation for you.
Sheldon: You "managed the situation"?
Amy: That's right.
Sheldon: So my mother thought I was incapable of finding a mate, and my mate thinks I'm incapable of running my own life.
Amy: Not your whole life! I mean, science. You got that. Organizing your sock drawer, you're the king.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: There's the little family!
Raj: Hello.
Stuart: Hello.
Leonard: And their Sherpas.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: They told Mary they were living together, there was a fight, he got his feelings hurt, then he put underwear on his head-
Leonard: On purpose, not the way it used to happen in high school.
Sheldon: I was acting odd intentionally.
Bernadette: Really? So you can control it?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Stupid idea.
Penny: No, what's stupid is a physicist who doesn't understand when you swing an axe, you don't let go.
Leonard: For the tenth time, my mittens were slippery!
Penny: Ugh. It's 70 degrees, you didn't need mittens.
Leonard: You know how easily I blister.
Penny: Yes, yes, you bruise, you peel. It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby will you promise not to make me touch it?
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: Hey, how's life with your baby?
Amy: Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
Sheldon: To this day I've never touched Stuart.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: How come Stuart can get her to stop crying, but I can't?
Howard: It's Stuart. Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.

Quote from Stuart

Leonard: How did you get the baby to stop crying?
Stuart: Oh, I just talked to her. I've been told the sound of my voice puts people to sleep.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Hey, can you help me put some of the food out?
Leonard: Yeah. Let me finish packing this stuff up. You know how Sheldon is if he sees Christmas stuff lying around after New Year's.
Penny: Yeah, but he doesn't live here anymore.
Leonard: Well, he doesn't live at Walmart, but he still threw a tantrum when he saw Marshmallow Peeps after Easter. And that's the same man who complains you can't find Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: So, what happened in Texas that was so bad?
Leonard: And before our next drive to Comic-Con, I need the name of that juice.

Quote from Amy

Leonard: How did you get him in the car?
Amy: I rented one of those carts, pushed him toward the open door and just let inertia take care of the rest.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: But understanding how other people are feeling, that's a weak spot for you.
Sheldon: I have gotten much better at that.
Amy: Have you? How am I feeling right now?
Sheldon: What the - How should I know? Excited? Itchy? Give me the first letter.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You and I are in a relationship. I help you with your shortcomings, and you help me with mine.
Sheldon: How would you feel if I contacted your mother behind your back?
Amy: Delighted that you showed any interest in my family at all?
Sheldon: "Delighted"? What - Not if I guessed for a hundred years.

Quote from Amy

Penny: So tell me, how did Sheldon look with an earring?
Amy: Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the Internet.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: So what did you and Leonard do?
Penny: Actually, we got in a pretty nasty fight.
Leonard: It might've been the worst one we've ever had.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, what happened?
Leonard: Well, we had started binge-watching Luke Cage together, and it was kind of our thing, and then, I find out that she watched two episodes without me.
Bernadette: It's like I was excited for a present and got socks.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Hey, hey, I just found a farm where they let you chop down your own tree.
Leonard: Oh cool, I'll be like a pointy-eared Paul Bunyan.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: You want to decorate it tonight?
Penny: Yeah, with gasoline and a match? Sure.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You know, in India when my baby brother cried like that, the servants would just take him far away so we couldn't hear it. (Howard and Bernadette stare at him) Not always, sometimes we'd leave.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wait, so how does the story end? Is the baby a jerk or is Bernadette a bad mother?
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: What? Is there another twist coming? Is the baby not theirs at all?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: So things started to turn around?
Bernadette: Yeah, eventually I figured out how to get the baby to sleep.
Leonard: Please tell me you didn't use Amy's magic juice.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: I can't believe you fit in the crib.
Bernadette: I could take a bath in the sink. I don't, but I can.

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