Quotes from ‘The Romance Recalibration’

The Romance Recalibration

'The Romance Recalibration' - Season 10, Episode 13

After†Penny starts to feel like Leonard is taking her for granted, she chooses to go on a spa weekend with Amy. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj think up inventive ways to try fix a squeaky floorboard in baby Halley's room.

Air Date: January 19, 2017.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I would pull this car over and kick you out, but if Penny dumps me, you're all I got.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Pink wine and pizza bagels? It's like eighth grade all over again.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Things going well with you and Sheldon living together?
Amy: Better than ever. He asks about my day, takes an interest in my life. He's like my boyfriend in college, except he's real, so people can see him.
Bernadette: I've been seeing him for years. I'm still not convinced he's real.

Quote from Howard

Raj: It looks like a map from Dungeons & Dragons.
Howard: Mm. Except the creature in the crib is a level-nine poop monster.

Quote from Amy

Leonard: What do you say?
Sheldon: I get to write a contract? I say, let's get this party of the first part started!
(Amy enthusiastically laughs)
Penny: Do you really think that's funny?
Amy: It's in our agreement. I have to laugh.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Is it normal for the husband to kind of completely stop giving a crap?
Bernadette: Uh-oh, what's going on?
Penny: Well, Leonard used to do all these things, like bring me flowers and wear pants.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Yeah, got to get her hooked on TV, or someday, she'll want me to play outside.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, tell me, do you have any plans for the weekend?
Leonard: Are you gonna laugh at the answer?
Sheldon: Only if the answer is "shopping for baby shoes."

Quote from Amy

Bernadette: It's okay, Howie never has on pants. The Domino's guy brings the pizza like this now. (covering her eyes)
Amy: Well, Sheldon always has his pants on. I don't think I could pick his knees out of a lineup.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy is free. She had a harp lesson on Saturday, but it got canceled. Boy, when you take an interest in people, you really uncork a geyser of nonsense.

Quote from Howard

Raj: No offense to her father, but he's not an MIT-trained engineer. Thinking and building is what you do.
Howard: MIT's motto is "Mind and Hand," which just so happens was also my motto as a lonely teenager.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'll call you when we get to the hotel.
Sheldon: And if they have any of those tiny bottles of shampoo?
Amy: I will bring them home so you can show me how Godzilla takes a shower.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You're sad, so I made you tea.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: And it's just the way you like it.
Leonard: Earl Grey?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Honey?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Unsweetened almond-
Sheldon: Good Lord! I made you tea. Just drink it!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I don't want to play a game, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Wow, and I remember when you loved playing games with me. Maybe Penny isn't the only relationship you're phoning in.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: It's not that I'd stopped trying, it's just how relationships progress. They start with infatuation, but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
Sheldon: Hmm. Yeah, you're right. It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem. You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides. Yeah, but now I'm just like "eh."

Quote from Howard

Raj: It's nice to think that you grew up in this room and now your daughter's going to as well.
Howard: Mm. I hope she has the same amount of sex in it I did. None.

Quote from Penny

Penny: When was the last time you got a massage?
Amy: Sheldon walked on my back two weeks ago, but that was just 'cause there was a spider on his pillow and he was trying to get away.
Penny: Leonard stood on me once, too, but he was just trying to see the Rose Parade.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, Amy. It's nice to see you.
Amy: Nice to see you, too.
Sheldon: (to Leonard) And that's how you make effort look effortless.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sheldon, why don't we give them some privacy?
Sheldon: Very well. Hey, later, we'll check out the minibar. I'll show you how Godzilla gets drunk.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: There's a cucumber in my water.
Amy: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: Do they know it's there? Um, sh-should I tell somebody?
Amy: It's there on purpose. It's refreshing.
Sheldon: Interesting. The world's most boring liquid and the world's most boring vegetable. But you put 'em together, and bleh.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Listen, we realized, that, uh we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
Penny: Yeah. And there are a few things we need to stay on top of. So we thought it would useful, and I can't believe I am about to say this-
Leonard: Would you please help us make a Relationship Agreement? But one that's tailored to us. Okay? We don't need a bathroom schedule.
Penny: Although a rule about him texting me from in there might help with the romance.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: "Article 8, subsection B: Leonard will restrict video-gaming in underpants to hours Penny is not home.
This includes boxers, briefs, thongs, G-strings or anything else that calls attention to his pasty little thighs."
Leonard: Does it really need to say that?
Sheldon: I did this for free, let me get a little something.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: "Article 10, subsection C: If questioned, Penny may not say that everything is fine if it isn't.
Other unacceptable responses include: 'It's nothing', 'Don't worry about it', and 'I said it's nothing, don't worry about it'."

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You sign here, date here. And, Penny, if you could initial here to indicate that you're accepting Leonard in "as is" condition.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey, do you remember when we went wine tasting in Santa Barbara and you said that was the best rose you'd ever had?
Penny: Yeah, I remember us driving up there, going to the winery and that's it.
Leonard: And this wine is why.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Well, now be careful, these are hot. I could explain the thermodynamics of why the cheese seems hotter than the crust, but instead, I'm gonna keep it to myself.
Penny: Oh. You always know what not to say.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: If you must know, Penny won a spa weekend from work and she's taking me.
Sheldon: Oh, well you know, that is interesting. I wonder what kind of infection you'll come home with. My money's on fungal.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Penny, is it weird that we're having girls' night here, but you don't live here anymore, so it's basically my girls' night?
Penny: I hadn't really thought about it.
Amy: But now you're thinking about it and it bothers you? I get that.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Just, it's like since we got married, he doesn't really try anymore.
Amy: Uh, Penny? I don't know how to say this, but this is my first girls' night and you're kind of bumming everybody out.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, I'm trying to take an interest in other people. Uh, how was your girls' night?
Penny: Oh, it was fine.
Sheldon: Did you have anything to eat?
Penny: Uh, chips.
Sheldon: (stammers) Anything to drink?
Penny: Some wine.
Sheldon: Well, I'm just playing tennis against the drapes here.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Where is this coming from?
Sheldon: Leonard, she might be drunk. All she had was chips.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'll miss you.
Sheldon: I'll miss you, too.
Amy: I'll miss you more.
Sheldon: Well, if X equals the amount that you'll miss me, then I'll miss you X plus one.
Amy: (giggles) If you miss me X plus one, I'll miss you open parentheses X plus one, close parentheses to the second-

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, what can we do to cheer you up?
Leonard: I really don't know.
Sheldon: You want to play Jenga? Or, uh, Ticket to Ride? Hearthstone? What would you be the happiest losing at?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, Penny went to this spa to be away from you. Are you sure you should be going there?
Leonard: I don't want to wait two days for us to work this out.
Sheldon: Very well. You got married spur of the moment. I don't see why your divorce should be any different.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Watch. It's easy, once you get the hang of it. Step. Step. Hop onto ottoman.
Raj: Don't do that in socks, I almost broke my neck.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Then simply sit, spin, stand, stretch. Maybe in looser pants. Then step, grab, tiny pivot, pull, and you're there. (sighs) Easy, peasy, mac and (exhales) ... you get the idea.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh! Good, you're here. Are you still fighting? If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Damn. I burped so hard, I died in my game.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you: what size shoe do you wear?
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: I'm trying to take more of an interest in other people's lives.
Leonard: That's nice. I wear a size eight and a half.
Sheldon: (giggles) That's small.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game I invented?
Leonard: Is it about the failing state of my relationship with Penny?
Sheldon: Never mind.

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