Quotes from ‘The Big Bran Hypothesis’

The Big Bran Hypothesis

'The Big Bran Hypothesis' - Season 1, Episode 2

Leonard hopes to make a good impression with Penny by volunteering to sign for a package of hers. When Leonard and Sheldon move the package to her apartment, Sheldon is disturbed by her apparent lack of tidiness.

Air Date: October 1, 2007.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
Leonard: Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, hed let her hit the pavement. It would be a more merciful death.

Quote from Penny

Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I have a masters and two PhDs. I should not have to do this.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a Power Ring.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home!
Sheldon: This isn't anyone's 'home'. This is a swirling vortex of entropy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If you have time to lean you have time to clean.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You're going march yourself over there right now and apologize.
Sheldon: Pfffft.
Leonard: What's funny?
Sheldon: That wasn't sarcasm?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Oh. Boy, you are all over the place this morning.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is this!
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.
Sheldon: Don't be silly. I have no peers.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: You convinced me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet?
Sheldon: You don't think that crosses a line?
Leonard: Yes! For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I guess we'll just take [a TV cabinet] up [the stairs] ourselves.
Sheldon: We don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper-body strength.
Leonard: We don't need strength. We're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever, and I can move the Earth. (Trying to move the box) It's just a matter of... I don't have this. I don't have this. I don't have it!
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom is our living room and just outside our living room is that hallway and immediately adjacent to that hallway is [Penny's messed up apartment]!
Leonard: Do you realize if Penny wakes up there's no reasonable explanation to why we are here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation. Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Son of a bitch!
Leonard: Penny's up
Penny: You sick, geeky bastards!
Leonard: How did she know it was us?
Sheldon: I may have left a suggested organizational schematic for her bedroom closet.
Penny: Leonard!
Leonard: God this is going to be bad.
Sheldon: Good bye, Honey Puffs. Hello, Big Bran.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: If you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?
Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?
Sheldon: You're kidding, right?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: There you go, Pad Thai, no peanuts.
Howard: But does it have peanut oil?
Leonard: Uh, I'm not sure. Everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up.
Sheldon: Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Are there any chopsticks?
Sheldon: You don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food.
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.
Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: How was work?
Penny: Well, you know, it's the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.
Leonard: So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system.
Penny: Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
Penny: No, I haven't.
Howard: Get used to it.
Penny: Yeah, I probably won't.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Hey Raj! (silence) Still not talking to me, huh?
Sheldon: Don't take it personally. It's his pathology. He can't talk to women.
Howard: He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecakescented Goddess!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow Sun.
Howard: Yeah, and you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?
Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: I have 26 hundred comic books in there, I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.
Sheldon: Challenge accepted. (Tries to open the apartment door.) We're locked out.
Raj: Also, the pretty girl left.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting sex.
Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had sex.
Leonard: I'm doing this to be a good neighbor. In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Great Caesar's Ghost, look at this place!
Leonard: So Penny's a little messy.
Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organize and label the entire world around them?
Sheldon: No.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You might want to speak in a lower register.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitched noises while they sleep, so that they'll be roused by a crying baby. If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.
Leonard: That's ridiculous. (Penny snores.)
Sheldon: No, (lowering his voice) that's ridiculous.
Leonard: (In a lower register) Fine. I accept your premise, now please let's go.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.
Leonard: I'm not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbor's apartment and clean.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Leonard: You think?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won't color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. (Penny slams the door in Sheldon's face)

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hello, sorry I'm late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.
Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny?
Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.

Quote from Leonard

*Leonard tries to slip a note under Penny's apartment door*
Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Oh.
Penny: What's going on?
Leonard: Um, here's the thing. (Reads from the note.) Penny, just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgment. The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognize one's mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie's discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, from the field of Ebola research-
Penny: Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: (hugs him) We're okay.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Six two inch dowels.
Sheldon: Check.
Leonard: One package, Phillips head screws.
Sheldon: Check.
Penny: Guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay. I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was like twelve. I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media center.
Leonard: No, please. We insist, it's the least we can do considering.
Sheldon: Considering what? How great this place looks?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Oh boy, I was afraid of this.
Leonard: What?
Howard: These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components. This right here is why Sweden has no space program.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Well, uh, it looked pretty good in the store.
Leonard: It is an inefficient design. For example, Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.
Sheldon: We could put her stereo back there.
Leonard: And control it how?
Sheldon: Run an infra-red repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy.

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