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Quotes from ‘The Separation Agitation’

The Separation Agitation

'The Separation Agitation' - Season 10, Episode 21

Howard and Bernadette struggle to leave Halley in day care†when Bernadette's maternity leave is over. Meanwhile, when Bert introduces the guys to his new girlfriend, Rebecca, they question her motives.

Air Date: April 13, 2017.

Quote from Amy

Raj: Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
Sheldon: Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
Raj: Really?
Amy: Relax. We're the same blood type. He knew he could harvest an organ.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: And welcome to a special retrospective, where we will take a look back at the history of Fun with Flags on an episode we're calling,
Both: "Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective."

Quote from Howard

Howard: Should we get lunch or you want to eat at the zoo?
*Bernadette and Stuart staring at their phones*
Howard: (imitating Bernadette):"Oh, Howie, I don't need food as long as I can look at my phone."
Bernadette: I don't like when you imitate me.
Howard: You want to hear my Stuart? (imitating Stuart) "It's been a while since I've gone on a date.
You mind if we watch the monkeys doing it?"
Stuart: I said that to you in confidence.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Where's Howard?
Raj: He took the day off.
Sheldon: Oh, let's take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get. I'll go first.
Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, "Did you know you were going 85 miles per hour?" And Heisenberg says, "Darn it, now I don't know where I am."

Quote from Stuart

Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: What are you making?
Stuart: Chicken. Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Who's ready to laugh?
Leonard: (groans)
Sheldon: Okay. So Feynman, Einstein and Schrodinger walk into a bar. Feynman says, "It appears we're inside a joke." Einstein replies, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously." To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking in the window, I'm leaving."
Leonard: (chuckles) That's actually funny.
Raj: You should send that to Jimmy Fallon.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: What are you doing here?
Stuart: Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Quote from Sheldon

Bert: Sorry again for barging in.
Leonard: You don't have to go. You're welcome to hang with us.
Sheldon: Actually, our friendship group is at capacity. But if anybody drops out, you're at the top of the list. Unless it's Raj, in which case, we'll probably get a person of color.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: What if she likes the people who work there more than us?
Howard: She already likes soap bubbles more than us.

Penny: So is this your first time dating a scientist? 'Cause I'm thinking of starting a support group.
Rebecca: Actually, I'm not new to this. I was engaged to a Scientologist.

Quote from Bert

Bert: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one that does that is me.

Quote from Raj

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: So tell us in your own words about that magical moment when Fun with Flags was born.
Leonard: I honestly don't remember.
Sheldon: Sure you do. I was telling you both the story about how Haiti and Lichtenstein discovered they had the same flag. It was at the Summer Olympics of 1936, and two plucky nations-
Penny: Oh, wait. I remember.
Sheldon: Oh, and do you remember what you said?
Penny: Yes. "Please find someone who cares."
*cut back to Sheldon and Amy in the "studio"*
Sheldon: And that's exactly what I did. I found a lot of someones.
Amy: Almost 200. Many of them on purpose.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people. We don't know anything about them.
Howard: They're highly-trained educators with background checks. They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.
Stuart: You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So, Sheldon says you have a new girlfriend.
Sheldon: Yeah, which he rudely announced on my flag show. People were so upset about it no one else called in the rest of the night.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, we're all having dinner tonight. Why don't the two of you join us?
Sheldon: Uh, wa-- Hold on. We don't know anything about this woman.
Bert: What do you want to know?
Sheldon: Is she a geologist?
Bert: No.
Sheldon: Oh, great. See you at 7:00.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: It's not just the sloth. Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
Stuart: (To Howard) Told you we should have gone to Legoland.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Don't you have any friends he can date?
Penny: Hey, I already set up Howard and Bernadette. It's your turn to ruin some poor girl's life.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: Look, if you're not ready to go back to work, we'll figure something out.
Bernadette: No, I'll be fine.
Stuart: It might be good for her. Howard's mother was around him all the time, and he's a world-class mama's boy.
Howard: (scoffs) I mean, wh-why would you say that?
Stuart: Go ahead, have a tantrum; that'll prove me wrong.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: It would be nice to raise Halley to be a little more independent than you were.
Howard: I guess. It wasn't until college that I learned you can put a thermometer in your mouth.
Stuart: On that charming note, dinner is served.

Raj: So how did you two meet?
Rebecca: Oh, it's such a cute story! We met on a dating Web site.
(silence)
Leonard: Is that it?
Rebecca: Oh, sorry. The end.

Quote from Amy

Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, "Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner", and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
*Amy goes to the hallway*
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So, Rebecca, how did you become a personal trainer?
Rebecca: I came to Los Angeles to be an actress, and things didn't really work out.
Sheldon: I'd say she's copying you again, but I'm getting tired of sitting in the hall.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
Bert: She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen.
Sheldon: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Okay, sweetie, Mommy's gonna go to work now, so you have fun today.
Howard: I told her if day care is anything like prison, find the biggest baby and knock him out.

Quote from Bernadette

Stuart: Bye, cutie. I'm gonna miss you. (voice breaking) I'm gonna be waiting right here tonight when you get home.
Bernadette: Stop, you're gonna make me cry.
Howard: (voice breaking) Great, now everybody's crying.
Stuart: At least Halley's not.
Howard: That's good.
Bernadette: She's not gonna see us all day, and she doesn't even care!

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.
Bert: Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love. I might break up with Rebecca.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Raj: I think it shows a lot of character.
Bert: I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.
Sheldon: (laughs) That's a good one. Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Is it weird if we just stand here and watch her all day?
Howard: Probably.
Stuart: We should go.
Howard: Yeah.
Stuart: Or we could take her to the aquarium.
Howard: I'll get her, you grab her bag.
Stuart: Hang on, Halley, we're busting you out of there!

Quote from Raj

Bert: I made a huge mistake.
Raj: No, you didn't. Okay? Look, Bert, when I had money, I dated lots of girls who weren't right for me. And then I gave up my money, and now I'm alone, and living with my friends, and somebody else should probably talk now.

Quote from Howard

Stuart: Guess who's home from day care?
Howard: It's Halley. Unless somebody else put an "X" on the bottom of their kid's foot.
Bernadette: You realize they called when you took her.
Howard: (singsongy) Guess who's home from the aquarium?

Quote from Penny

Raj: I feel bad for Bert.
Sheldon: So he's using his money to attract a mate. Is that any different than me using my intelligence to attract Amy? Or Leonard using his power of groveling to get Penny?
Leonard: It's totally different. Bert's money might run out, but I can beg until the end of time.
Penny: All that, and he's shorter than me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: Based on the glowing reception of our recent Behind the Flags retrospective, we thought you might like to see how it all came together.
Amy: So welcome to tonight's episode,
Both: Fun with Flags - Behind the "Behind the Flags: A Retrospective" Retrospective.

Quote from Sheldon

Bert: Everyone, this is Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
Everybody: Hey.
Sheldon: She's younger and far more attractive than he is. They're copying you two!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mind you, when we say "behind the flags", we don't literally mean these flags. That's just where we have dinner.

Quote from Bert

Bert: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Amy. It's Bert.
Sheldon: Hello, Bert. What is your flag-related comment or query?
Bert: I have a girlfriend.
Amy: And what does that have to do with flags?
Bert: Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Bert, you're tying up the line. My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments.

Quote from Raj

Bert: Hey, guys.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Hey. Want to join us?
Sheldon: But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.
Raj: Oh, quick! Sit!

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: Bert, Rebecca. I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier.
Rebecca: Don't worry about it. It's fine.
Sheldon: See? It was fine. I didn't need a time-out.
Amy: It wasn't a time-out. Let's get some food.
Sheldon: You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did.
Amy: Get your food!

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I haven't had much success meeting people online.
Bert: I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.
Sheldon: What'd you do, delete your photo?
Amy: Go.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: And don't you slam that door.
Sheldon: Aw, man.

Quote from Leonard

Rebecca: I could give you some free sessions.
Penny: Oh, is that offer for everybody?
Leonard: (chuckles) Nice try. I'm not going.

Quote from Bert

Bert: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
Penny: Aw, that's so weird.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, on our first date, Leonard used a coupon to buy me a pretzel.
Leonard: And we lived happily ever after.
Penny: The end.

Quote from Penny

Bert: Hello? Is anybody home?
Leonard: Is that Bert?
Bert: It's Bert.
Penny: I think it's Bert.

Quote from Bert

Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Look, sweetie, relationships aren't about money, okay? It's about respect and having things in common and- Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: You and Leonard don't have anything in common. Maybe you should break up.
Leonard: (To Penny) You called on him.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Let me just say good-bye. (Taps the glass) Halley. (Hits the glass) Look at Mommy. (Hits the glass) Over here, honey. (Pounding the glass)Say good-bye to Mommy! Look at me! Look at your mother!
*Babies crying*
Bernadette: All right, we can go.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Can't believe Bert has a girlfriend and I don't.
Amy: I thought you were taking a break from women to focus on your career.
Raj: Oh, grow up.

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