The Big Bang Theory - The Luminous Fish Effect Quotes

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

Howard: (to Mary, Sheldon's mother) Forgive me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his charming good looks.
Mary: Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying.

Mary: (to Rajesh) I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Penny: This is the best cobbler I've ever had.
Mary Cooper: It was always Sheldon's favorite. You know what the secret ingredient is?
Penny: Love?
Mary Cooper: Lard.

Mary Cooper: [To Sheldon] You know how your daddy used to say that you could only fish for so long before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water?

Mary Cooper: I tell you, I love that boy [Sheldon] to death but he has been difficult since he fell outta me at the K-Mart.

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Luckily He blessed me with two other children who are as dumb as soup.

Sheldon: I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.

Penny: So you got canned, huh?

Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get 'canned'. But yeah.

Penny: I always say that when one door closes, another one opens.
Sheldon: No it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
Penny: (gives Sheldon a long look) Never mind.

Mary Cooper: (looking at Leonard and Penny, who happen to be sitting next to each other) You know, you two make a cute couple.
Leonard: No, no we're not, we're not a couple, we're single, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that are friends.  
Mary Cooper: (aside, to Howard) Did I pluck a nerve there?
Howard: Oh yeah.

Sheldon: Aha, the thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.
Penny: Intresting.
Sheldon: Isn't it!  
Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jelly fish into other animals; and I thought "Hey! Fish night-lights".
Leonard: Fish night-lights ...
Sheldon: It's a billion dollar idea ... SHUSH!!!!

Wolowitz: Whaddup science b*tches?

Mary Cooper: Honey, why did you get a loom?
Sheldon: Well, I was working with luminous fish and I thought... Hey. Loom.